my thesis supervisor hates me

4 Signs Your PhD Advisor Is Mistreating You and What to Do About It

PhD students rely on their supervisors for support, help and mentorship. But what happens when your supervisor treats you unfairly? In this article, we will tell about the top 4 signs your PhD advisor is mistreating you.

Why Do PhD Supervisors Turn on Students?

A PhD supervisor can make or break your post-graduate experience. An academic staff has a huge impact on how students feel about their experience. So, it’s hard when your supervisor starts treating you unfairly. Some students end up being micromanaged, bullied, and even abandoned by their advisors.

A conflict in working styles is one of the most common reasons why supervisor relationships turn sour. Many PhD advisors expect their students to be perfectly in sync with their work style. They don’t take it kindly when students can’t keep up.

Other times, it happens because of poor communication. Simply clarifying your expectations early can help you set things straight with your supervisor. Sometimes, even relationships that begin well, go on to become intolerable later. It’s all part of the ups and downs of the post-graduate experience.

With that said, there are times when students have advisors who are mistreating them without a clear reason. Let’s see how you can identify a PhD supervisor who mistreats you.

They Manipulate You through Praise

Mistreatment takes many forms. But you least expect it from someone who excessively praises you. Funnily enough, that is how some PhD advisors mistreat students. This type of behavior is called love bombing.

First, they will shower potential candidates with praises, telling them they are unlike other students they’ve worked with. They will lure you with promises of publications and prestigious institutions. However, it all ends after you join their research group.

As soon as you face problems like failed experiments, the same person could behave very differently. Instead of helping you modify your approach and reevaluate methods, they may belittle you.

The best way to pick up on such habits is to ask senior students in the program about their experience. Likewise, you can also ask the advisors how they relate to other students and how students relate to them.

In other words, if you sense your advisor is overpraising you or making fantastic claims about your acumen and credentials, pay attention to how they talk about other graduate students. Therefore, if an advisor tells you (a new graduate student) not to listen to senior graduate students because you are better than them, it’s likely they will discuss you similarly down the road.

They Want to Control Your Actions

Going to conferences and networking with people is crucial for the graduate journey. While it isn’t necessary to attend every meeting, you should definitely visit the ones relevant to your field and research topic.

A good supervisor will help you learn new skills and accelerate your professional and academic goals. Even if they disagree, they will let you decide what’s best for you. However, abusive advisors will stop you from attending conferences unless you have their permission. They will belittle you for going against their will and their position of power against you.

They Try to Isolate You

Abusers thrive in an environment where victims are isolated and can’t share their experiences. Unfortunately, graduate school is pretty isolating. Students must leave their established support circle, become financially dependent on an institution, and do their best to keep the advisor’s favor.

In such circumstances, it’s easier for abusive supervisors to force students into isolation. They may refuse to include other faculty as a part of your committee, so they have complete control over you.

There have been cases where abusive advisors refuse anyone on the committee who isn’t a part of their cult of personality. In such instances, a student’s success depends heavily on keeping their advisor happy. And since the rest of the committee is filled with people close to the supervisor, voicing your concerns can result in a group backlash or gaslighting.

This is why students need to maintain a strong support network. People around you can help you figure out different ways to avoid these situations.

They Want to Become Gatekeepers for Everything

Abusive supervisors have no qualms about telling you to do things and then get mad if you don’t follow through, even if it’s not directly related to the project. They will force you to ask them for permission for the simplest of things.

Impolite advisors may make it mandatory for students to ask for permission before approaching or talking to anyone at a conference. Other times, they might stop you from publishing your article in a journal until they have approved it.

Regardless, it’s likely that they won’t permit you and eventually force you to act on your own, only to then lash out at you for not listening.

In summary, the main purpose of mistreating supervisors is to misuse their power over you and exert their control over you. If you think your PhD advisor is mistreating you or stopping you from publishing an article, don’t worry; we have you covered.

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How to Deal with an Unhelpful Dissertation Supervisor

Published by Alvin Nicolas at August 13th, 2021 , Revised On August 22, 2023

A dissertation supervisor  helps students with their dissertation , advises them about the project’s requirements and aids them throughout their research. Supervisors support us through our hard times and make sure that we overcome the academic challenges thrown at us.

However, there may be times when things might get heated between students and supervisors – when both are under pressure and looking to solve a lot of problems in little time. And at that very moment, you might want to learn more about how to deal with the unhelpful dissertation supervisor.

Expect to face many problems if you come across a dissertation supervisor who is not willing to help; is rude at times and does not seem to understand you as a student and the  challenging phase you’re going through.

If you find it difficult to impress your dissertation supervisor and maintain a good relationship with them, some rules will get you through this challenging time. See below for some tips on ‘How to Deal with an Unhelpful Dissertation Supervisor’.

Also Read:  How to write a dissertation – Step by step guide .

Tips to Deal with an Unhelpful Supervisor

Rule # 1: communicate effectively with unhelpful dissertation supervisor .

Communication is the key. Even if your dissertation supervisor is unhelpful and does not offer any guidance, clearly mention all your dissertation-related concerns.

For example, there might be an instance when your unhelpful dissertation supervisor is in a perfect, understanding mood and could offer a workable solution to any problem you are facing despite their unhelpful nature. Keep the door of communication open at all times, and make sure to attend all meetings.

Stay determined, and you’ll be able to complete your dissertation successfully.

Rule # 2: Be Patient and Persistent with your Unhelpful Dissertation Supervisor 

Getting help from a dissertation supervisor who isn’t very accommodating can be daunting. There may be times when your supervisor might not help you at all, even if you’re badly stuck with your dissertation. In times like these, try to be patient and continue with your research.

Though it might be pretty tricky for you to continue in such a situation, there is nothing much that you can do about it. Changing an unhelpful dissertation supervisor or submitting an application for a supervisor change would take up a lot of your time. You could instead invest in focusing on your dissertation.

Stay determined, and you’ll be able to  complete your dissertation successfully .

Looking for dissertation help?

Researchprospect to the rescue then.

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Also read: How to Write a Dissertation in a Week

Rule # 3: Seek Help from Peers

When you’re finding it hard to seek guidance from your academic supervisor, get in touch with your peers. This may not sound like a great idea, but there is a chance that some of them might be in the same boat as yours.

Talk to them about the issues you’re facing in completing your dissertation and see how they can help you. Organising a group session once a week or two will help to address your dissertation-related concerns.

Discuss complicated aspects and sections of your dissertations and see how this works out for you.

If you cannot find answers to your questions, you can contact us via email – [email protected] or telecom –  +44 141 628 7786. At ResearchProspect, we have Master’s to PhD qualified writers for all academic subjects so you can be confident of having your dissertation project completed to a First Class quality  promptly.  Click here to learn more about our ordering process .

Rule # 4: Don’t Get Emotional

When you’re  stressed and tensed about your dissertation , there are chances that you’d also get emotional. You might find no one to assist and guide you in times of need. However, to emerge successfully out of this situation, you need to make sure you keep your emotions in control and not let them get the best of you.

Emotions will further ruin your situation, and you’ll gain nothing from them. Stay strong and believe in yourself. In the case where you’re working on a PhD thesis, dealing with an unhelpful dissertation supervisor becomes even more difficult.

The situation intensifies because there’s a lot at stake, and you might be left scratching your head over how to deal with an unhelpful dissertation supervisor. Regardless of the situation, do not let the emotions get the better of you.

Keep the  door of communication  open at all times, and make sure to attend all meetings.

Rule # 5: Stay Assertive

Staying positive during difficult times is never easy, and you need to overcome this challenge. When working on your dissertation, make sure you’re confident of the elements you’ve included in your dissertation, and be sure that you’re working in the right direction.

Staying positive and assertive will help you learn a new perspective on how you can work without help and guidance. Thus, this way, even without a supervisor, you’ll be able to  produce a flawless dissertation .

Dealing with an unhelpful dissertation supervisor is a nightmare but can be managed by following the tips we have shared with you. As a student, you should focus on your work and stay determined to complete your dissertation on time .

Your main goal should be to  produce a dissertation that is perfect, as well as authentic and reliable . Thus, keep your focus on writing a dissertation to help you achieve an ‘A’ grade.

Here are some comprehensive guidelines for you to understand  How to Write a Great Dissertation Paper.

How can ResearchProspect Help?

ResearchProspect academics can provide much-needed academic guidance if you have not been able to get help from your dissertation supervisor.  Our writers can either solve your problem or provide guidelines on how you should be approaching a certain problem so you don’t get stuck.

Stuck with complicated elements of a dissertation paper such as  Dissertation Methodology ,  Dissertation Statistical Analysis , and  Dissertation Findings & Discussion ? Our writers have years of experience in developing high-class dissertation papers. Please sit back and relax while our experts do the hard work for you.  Click here to fill out our simple order form to get instant quotes .

Frequently Asked Questions

Can you do a dissertation without a supervisor.

While possible, it’s highly recommended to have a supervisor for a dissertation. A supervisor provides guidance, expertise, and feedback crucial for successful research and writing, enhancing the quality and validity of your work.

You May Also Like

Here are the steps to make a theoretical framework for dissertation. You can define, discuss and evaluate theories relevant to the research problem.

Appendices or Appendixes are used to provide additional date related to your dissertation research project. Here we explain what is appendix in dissertation

Writing a dissertation can be tough if this is the first time you are doing it. You need to look into relevant literature, analyze past researches, conduct surveys, interviews etc.

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Bad PhD supervisors can ruin research. So why aren't they accountable?

A demoralising and sarcastic professor left me wondering if I should be doing a PhD at all – and I’m not alone

P hD students’ relationships with their supervisors are pivotal; not only in terms of producing a good thesis, but ensuring academic and professional development. But while PhD candidates’ work is regularly checked by supervisors, it is far less common, to have formal checks made on the supervisors, with students assessing their performance.

The imbalance of power in these relationships needs to be acknowledged. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but only if supervisors use their position and privilege to empower students. When they say and do things that impede learning and advancement, it is an abuse of their authority.

One of the main duties of the role, for example, is to provide feedback on a student’s work. In my experience, this can range from general comments to close editing of sentence constructions and grammar. It can take the form of constructive feedback for improvement, or demoralising sarcasm. I have experienced the full range, and it has had a direct impact on my research. The most negatively couched feedback not only hampered my progress, but left me wondering if I should be doing a PhD at all.

Another vital aspect of supervision responsibility is to be, well, responsible. Unanswered emails only increase the anxiety of a student waiting for feedback on a discussion chapter. Unannounced departures for conferences, holidays and research projects are frustrating, particularly when they could have been discussed in advance.

A friend of mine had to deal with the sudden retirement of his supervisor, whose replacement then left after just six months in the role - he now has one who is on research leave with intermittent access to the internet (or is perhaps just intermittent with his responses).

The tensions and discomfort are more keenly felt by students, I suspect. We can’t simply turn away from an errant supervisor and go to another, but we can’t talk freely about how we feel – this is akin to bad-mouthing your boss.

I previously had to psych myself up for supervision meetings; the barrage of criticism I faced often left me feeling stupid. But this kind of thinking trapped me into becoming even more dependent on my supervisor for words of affirmation that came too little and too late. I constantly questioned whether I was good enough. After months of anxiety and stress, and with advice from others who suffered at the hands of the same supervisor, I made a decision to end the relationship.

Luckily I now have new supervisors who behave in more professional and responsible ways. I don’t believe that there is a perfect supervisor, but the ones I have are giving me the support that I need – being responsive, pre-empting future tasks, and most importantly, making me, a novice researcher, feel that I have a valuable contribution to make.

When students have horrible experiences with their supervisors, they tend to share them in private conversations with friends or in social media rants because there is often no formal channel to address them. My university seems shy about putting in place performance measures of PhD supervision, but is proactive about undergraduate students’ evaluations of papers and lecturers. Is there an assumption that PhD students and supervisors are mature enough to work out mutually satisfactory supervision arrangements?

As it stands, students are often left to manage tense relationships, find informal alternatives to make up for bad or non-existent supervision. Unless things become so strained that it is necessary to change supervisors (as it was in my case), students tend to put up with bad behaviour.

Maybe it’s because they think that’s the way a PhD is, or because they can’t see any face-saving way to remedy the situation. But it’s also because supervisors don’t appear to be accountable to anyone. When I have raised this with the academic staff who support doctoral students, I often get an evasive response – “It’s a tricky situation, isn’t it?” – or just an empathetic nod of the head.

There’s huge pressure on universities to produce research in order to prove their worth. If research is so important, then what about making a little more effort to nurture researchers-to-be?

Universities should not only implement performance evaluations of supervisors, but also cultivate safe spaces for doctoral students to share their issues, and have access to support staff who will be able to provide constructive advice and guide them towards workable strategies and solutions.

We need to get rid of the false notion of low-maintenance supervision relationships between consenting adults. These pairings are in fact high maintenance, and fragile. Ignoring the issues will not defuse a bomb that’s waiting to explode – one that could destroy promising careers.

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15 things to remember if you’ve started to hate your PhD

Jun 1, 2021

Have you checked out the rest of  The PhD Knowledge Base ? It’s home to hundreds more free resources and guides, written especially for PhD students. 

It’s entirely normal to hate your PhD from time to time. The further you travel on the PhD journey, the more you start to resent the thesis. 

That’s natural – spend years working on something, often with little immediate reward, and it natural that you will start to crumble. 

Here we’ve put together a list of 15 things to remind yourself of if you’re started to lose motivation. They’ll remind you of all that’s special about your thesis and, hopefully, inject some enthusiasm back into your relationship with it. 

Interested in group workshops, cohort-courses and a free PhD learning & support community? 

The team behind The PhD Proofreaders have launched The PhD People, a free learning and community platform for PhD students. Connect, share and learn with other students, and boost your skills with cohort-based workshops and courses.

1. you should work less.

I find that most people fall into one of two camps.

There are those who throw themselves into their work, always chained to their desk and never feeling like they’re on top of things.

Then there are those who get easily distracted, putting things off to the last minute and feeling guilty that they’re always a little behind.

In both cases the outcome is the same: long hours spent working, with the fatigue and the stress that comes with it.

But what about doing less work? What about being more selective with your time, and more selective with what’s on your to do list, such that you didn’t have as much to do at all?

It means accepting that your value and output is not measured on the basis of how many hours you put in, or how much work you get done. It’s measured instead on the quality of the work, and on the level of focus you can achieve.

So if you find yourself burning the candle at both ends, ask yourself whether what you really need to do is work less.

2. Don’t Push Away Negative Thoughts

3. remember that your phd is trying to drown you, 4. routines come and go.

For many, the simplest way of making the PhD journey more manageable is to develop consistent routines. 

For me, that involves going on a morning walk, exercising a few times a week, getting my emails and admin done first thing in the morning, and going to bed at roughly the same time.

But it’s easy to slip out of routines. We may be away from home, or the holiday season may disrupt our daily rhythm.

Whatever it is, we can start to drop the good habits we carefully nurture and start to pick up unhealthy ones – we might start exercising less, eating more processed foods, or staying up late.

When that happens to me, I can quickly start to feel anxious about whatever it is I’m working on. That makes sense; if routines introduce stability into our lives, it’s logical that disrupting those routines can mean we feel ungrounded and out of sorts.

If you can relate this holiday season, go easy on yourself. Like everything in life, this is temporary. As long as you’re conscious of what good routines looks like, and as long as you’re conscious that you’re temporarily departing from them, it won’t be long before you get back into healthy habits once the thing disrupting your routine has passed.

5. Ask Yourself: Are You Biting Off More Than You Can Chew?

6. set your intentions, 7. embrace the crappy drafts, 8. remind yourself that phds are hard.

Finding your PhD hard is kind of the point.

Repeat after me: if you’re finding your PhD hard it doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it means you’re doing it right.

9. Keep failing

10. remember that you’re never going to please everyone, 11. you’re going to get criticised, 12. don’t focus (too much) on the problems, 13. you have to admit when you’re wrong, 14. ask yourself: am i a perfectionist.

Most of the PhD students I talk to are perfectionists. You probably are too. 

With perfectionism comes a desire to have control over day-to-day life, knowledge of what’s going to happen in the short term, and the certainty that the PhD thesis will be, well, perfect. 

And then along comes coronavirus. 

Your day-to-day life has been disrupted as you work from home and away from you normal routines, you’ve got no way of knowing what will happen in the short or long term, and you may worry that your thesis will be sub-optimal as you step away from fieldwork, labs and supervisors.

The perfectionist in you is panicking, right? 

Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On the one hand it can fill you with drive, passion, dedication and motivation. It can inspire you to try your hardest and do your best. It’s likely what got you on to your PhD programme in the first place. 

But at the same time, it has a dark side. For as much as it can inspire, it can lead to panic. Anxiety, worry and dread often follow in the footsteps of perfectionism, such that when you lose control over your reality, or when you get things wrong, make mistakes or produce something sub-optimal, you panic. What starts off as a simple mistake can quickly become the end of the world.

Part of the challenge of doing a PhD, and particularly in the current context, is learning to embrace imperfection and recognising that sub-optimal does not necessarily mean failure. Managing perfectionism involves reminding yourself that you’re only human, and that humans face stresses, make mistakes and sometimes struggle to produce their best work. Even the brightest and most competent of people have off days. 

The more you can remind yourself of that, the better equipped you’ll be to deal with what life throws at you and your thesis. 

15. Lastly, Remember That It’s Okay Not To Be Productive

Your PhD thesis. All on one page.

Use our free PhD structure template to quickly visualise every element of your thesis. 

Share this:

Thanks for the encouragement and all… but, I keep failing, and I understand it is a process. But because of my failures I’m about to be fired from my PhD. 🙁 It is hard, yes. I keep messing up and failing, yes. I’m getting fired, yes.

Thanks for the kind words. I hope things work out for you.

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Dr. Heidi Toivonen

Psychologist

Does my supervisor hate me? A look into tensions in supervisory relationships

Previously, I have written on the topic of how to make your thesis supervision work for you . Subsequently, I’ve noticed people find my website trying to find out an answer to the question “Does my supervisor hate me?”. Trying to accommodate to these “my supervisor hates me” searches, I will here give some perspectives to the topic as someone who of course has been herself supervised in her BSc, MSc, and PhD thesis work and who is currently supervising BSc and MSc theses herself.

1. Your supervisor is just stressed

Let’s first look at what seems to me the most obvious option: Your supervisor doesn’t really hate you at all. Why might you then have gotten this impression? Well, sometimes supervisors can be very stressed because they have a lot of teaching and research duties, and life can get extremely hectic. What you perceive might be simply stress, not a personal negative feeling about you. It is easy to come across as annoyed and tense when one has too much to do. In this case, the best solution from the student point of view might be to stop asking “Does my supervisor hate me?” and forget the idea that your supervisor has something against you. Acknowledge that you’re just dealing with a stressed and tired individual.

A related unfortunate truth is also that not all academics like to supervise theses. For some, thesis supervision is merely something they have to do, not something they want to do. On my own MSc thesis journey for a long time ago, I was initially given a supervisor who seemed very enthusiastic about the research I would conduct but not so committed to the apparently annoying side tasks such as having to answer to my emails or actually treat me properly. I marched to the office of the head of the department and said I wanted a new supervisor. She took me under her own personal supervision and I completed the thesis successfully. I do not think that my supervisor hated me, but I do think he hated supervising.

Lesson learnt: Just as you as a student have to do your job, so does your supervisor. If you don’t get the guidance that you should, according to the rules of your own department, then do not just accept the situation but go ahead and try to have a conversation with your supervisor. If this doesn’t help, you can always contact someone, whether it’s the study advisor or someone higher in the departmental hierarchy (the right protocol of how to seek help in problem situations varies by university and department). In any case, even supervisors have supervisors.

2. Your supervisor has an issue

What on earth do I mean with “issue”? I don’t necessarily mean a personal issue with you as an individual, but something that is nagging at your supervisor and causing friction in the relationship between you and them. Your supervisor’s mind might be full of academic responsibilities and stressors and it is not rare for some of them to be somehow linked with your thesis work. Perhaps they had high hopes of you the student collecting quality data for their own project, and now it looks like the respondence rate of the survey is too low? Perhaps they have the idea that they would like to work on some of the theses to become a real peer reviewed paper, and this causes them to put some extra pressure on the students? Possibilities are many.

There is also the chance that the “issue” is of a more psychological quality. One time in the past, I was dealing with a situation where a mentor had not written one single word in a paper about to be published and the student was claiming that the rules of both the university and the journal where the paper was supposed to be published say that only being a supervisor doesn’t warrant an author status. I believe the student was correct and had simply spotted something that is not a rare sight in academia – a person who wants a quick and easy way to get a new paper in their CV.

In this case, the supervisory relationship never became smooth again and the student was considered by their supervisor a “difficult” person until the very end of the supervisory process. The supervisor’s answer to the question “Does my supervisor hate me?” might have been “No, but the student is annoying and demanding and stepping on my toes.” Well, this answer would not have been just and correct, and the student in question has no reason to think they did something wrong for having triggered their supervisor.

I would advise all students to look out for their rights. This is not always easy in the hierarchical systems of academia, where being young and without a PhD often equals to not having a strong voice. That being said, I have observed that the young generation of PhD students can be more straightforward and aware of their rights, to the point of announcing to their supervisors that “You will not just sign up my papers, you will work on them, too.” Working for a just and democratic academia demands actions exactly like that, but also of course structures and systems that support open and fair play.

3. Your supervisor is not the issue

The third option I would like to present here is the most unpleasant one if you’re a student. If you’re a supervisor reading this post, this is where you might be letting out a sigh of relief -finally she mentions this side of the story!

While all of the students I have supervised so far have been predominantly hard-working, motivated, polite, and pleasant to interact with, I know this is not the experience that all supervisors have with all supervisees. I do believe that if you as a supervisor treat your students with respect and acknowledge them as the smart and independent individuals they are, nothing creates better conditions for thesis success. However, the supervisor’s attitude and treatment is just one side of the coin. There are also students who assume that they have no responsibilities, only rights, to the point of them expecting that the supervisor is there to answer immediately to all of their questions and to practically write up the whole thesis for them. Cocky, challenging, and disrespectful behavior from the side of the students does exist.

For some reason, so far my mindset of “First get yourself a PhD, then you can start talking back at me” has never had to manifest in my overt behavior. That is, I’ve never had to say these words out loud to any student. Perhaps this attitude of mine is clear in my vibe without having to be verbalized in any authoritarian statements. Maybe my genuine liking of and respect for my students helps me not to get into tense situations with them.

The point is that your supervisor probably knows more about research than you do. Respect that. Listen to feedback and value the time and effort your supervisor puts into guiding you. Questioning the advise of someone who is more experienced than you are is not a sign of you being an independent critical thinker, quite the opposite. Chances are that the answer to “Does my supervisor hate me?” is not “yes” but something along the lines of “No, but they think you’re acting disrespectfully and are not putting in enough effort.”

Writing a thesis is not easy; it’s a long, independent project and it requires a lot of patience and work from the student, as well as tolerance for guidance and advise. When your supervisor sees you trying your best, they are quite likely to give off a vibe that doesn’t make you ask whether they hate you at all.

That being said, there are some supervisors out there with a fairly 1950’s authoritarian energy about them. Personally, I’ve had a supervisor announce to me in a very annoyed manner that he sees more in the data than I do. I still wonder whether my simple questions and observations about the data at hand really warranted such a strict response, or whether my supervisor simply felt intimidated, channeling this feeling into an authoritarian re-claim of their expertise. I can’t quite relate to a situation where my own self-confidence as a scholar would be so fragile that I would have to tell a student I see more things than they do. Maybe I will catch myself doing this very thing some day in the future.

The point here is that if your supervisor is acting in a way that makes you think they hate you, maybe you have to take a look in the mirror. Have you bombarded them with email questions to which Google could have provided you with the answers? Have you time after time disregarded their advice, missed your scheduled appointments, or talked back when they tried to help you? Maybe the question is not even “Does my supervisor hate me?” but “Do I hate my supervisor?”. Perhaps the case is that your supervisor really is getting annoyed with you -and maybe for a good reason. The simple cure for this situation is to acknowledge your own behavior and try to make some adjustments. I’m sure your supervisor will appreciate your open acknowledgment that you haven’t had the best of attitudes, especially if this is followed by you actually trying to be more professional and polite in the future.

4. The issue is chemistry

I know, the headline sounds so lame. One could talk about chemistry in a blog post about dating and romantic relationships, what does that term have to do with professional academic relationships? Believe me, a lot. We all know this from all corners and fields of life. Sometimes we just don’t hit it off with a person. No matter how much we try, we just never seem to have the interaction going in a way that would feel smooth and satisfying.

One of my good friends had a feeling during their MSc thesis writing that the supervisor would rather have been outside in the rain counting stones in the garden than reading any more theses. The supervisor was close to the retirement age at that point, and my friend was doing her thesis on a topic that wasn’t exactly up the alley of the said supervisor. His demeanor was bored and detached for reasons that had nothing to do with how good a student my friend was, or how good her thesis was. In addition, as a character he was very restrained and didn’t have a habit of expressing himself a lot. This was very difficult to deal with for my lively and expressive friend, who felt she didn’t get anything out of the supervision.

For fellow supervisors I would have this one piece of advice: Please do put some feeling into your work. The students can sense if you’re bored or uninterested. You can hardly expect them to be passionate about their research if you don’t model how one gets excited in academia. If you never show any positive emotion to your students, they might wander off your office asking “Does my supervisor hate me?”, even if your own sentiment for them is nothing like that at all.

That being said, sometimes chemistry issues are just too hard and go beyond quick fixes. Perhaps it can help you as a student to just accept that a thesis writing is a limited time project and when you’re finished, you will not have to tolerate your supervisor anymore? In the real working life, you will also have bosses and mentors that you don’t exactly click with either. You might just as well learn to work with such characters while you’re at the university. The whole world doesn’t revolve around your personality, after all.

5. Does my supervisor hate me? If yes, then your supervisor truly is the issue

Now that I have covered several possibilities that all have the meta-story of “your supervisor does not really hate you, something else is going on”, it’s time to look at the option that your supervisor really does have something personal against you. Unprofessional people do exist at all levels of academia. As a student, you never need to tolerate improper behavior. Tough feedback and harsh criticism, yes, but that is part of the deal. Bad behavior is not. My advise is simply to talk about the situation. If you genuinely feel your supervisor is acting in an inappropriate and unprofessional manner, then you need to open your mouth. Find out how your university and department recommends you to act in problem situations. Often, the first point of contact is a study advisor. The important thing is just to start somewhere.

Does my supervisor hate me? Take your time to think why you feel so

Before jumping into the conclusion that your supervisor hates you, I would try to understand the situation deeper. This is also a chance for you to understand yourself better. I recommend this nice blog post on resolving conflicts in academia as well as (especially if you’re a PhD student) Professor Tara Brabazon’s material on YouTube, such as this video on how to establish a professional relationship with your supervisor . With these tips, I do not mean to recommend the stance where a problematic relationship with your supervisor is entirely your fault and something to be solved only psychologically.

Learning how to confront and deal with people who truly are not doing their job in a proper manner is something you need to do in life. Seek support. In my experience, fellow supervisors, study advisers, as well as the management level of departments are mostly very eager to help out, as it is their own interest to make sure students have a good supervisory experience. Of course, this is not always so easy -especially as a PhD student you might be in a really tough spot, working in your own hard way towards a more just and open academia.

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• Officially Grads

I think my advisor hates me.

By lumbarmoose February 12, 2013 in Officially Grads

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lumbarmoose

I am a first year MA student in the social sciences and I thought that my graduate career was off to a great start. I finished my first semester (in which I had a slightly heavier than average course load) with a 4.0 and in my first semester review I was told I am making "excellent progress" and that one faculty member noted that I show "exceptional promise."

However, today my advisor told me that he doesn't think I am showing commitment. It stung, but I honestly saw it coming, as I never really felt like we clicked or understood each other particularly well.

I am quite upset and unsure what to do. Changing advisors is allowed in my department, but is it bad form to do so? Also, is spring of my first year in a masters program way too late to make such a big change? Its hard to imagine pressing forward with my current thesis idea now that I know my advisor doesn't think I am committed to it and doesn't see me staying in the discipline. 

So I guess it comes down to this: do I jump ship and see if someone else will take me (it's worth noting that I THINK I know who said I show exceptional promise...)? Or do I try to show my advisor that I AM committed?

I'm feeling slightly crushed here, and any feedback/reassurance would be greatly appreciated.

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Well, what was your response to your advisor's comments? It sounds like this was a discussion rather than an email, so did you get a chance to defend yourself? I guess what you need to establish first of all (which is not clear from your post), is just how committed are you? If you are, then why let him get away with questioning your diligence and work ethic and take the easy way out? Something like this, especially from my advisor, would only serve to push myself harder and would encourage me to persevere. There are times in grad school when you need to make concessions or take an easier path, but then there are times when you must be relentless. I recommend the latter approach here. Prove him wrong. You got this. 

Shelley Burian

Tough situation. You might consider having a further discussion with your current adviser as to why they think you are not committed or what they would like you to do differently. I have heard stories of offended advisers making things difficult for people after they switch,however it sounds like you have sufficiently impressed your department to avoid this kind of thing. Are you planning to continue on to a PhD, either in this department or elsewhere? If yes, it might be better to switch to someone with whom you will have a good relationship and get good letters of rec from. I would ask other, older students in your department if people have switched in the past and how it went.

fuzzylogician

I don't understand why you think your advisor hates you based on this correspondence. It sounds like you may be over-interpreting a legitimate criticism of your behavior as criticism of you as a person -- but nothing in your description of your conversation made it sound like there was anywhere near the level of emotion that you are attributing to your advisor. With that said, if I am interpreting the situation correctly then your advisor was not happy with something but it is most definitely not beyond repair and has not damaged your relationship much, if at all.

That aside, I think in general it's not too late to change advisors at this stage in your program. If the problem with the current advisor is simply that your personalities don't match, that problem is unlikely to fix itself or go away. You could learn to get along, but not much more than that. If there is someone else in your department who is a better match for you in that sense, I think you'll get more out of your MA experience if you work with them.

Another question is why your advisor thinks that you are uncommitted. Do you think you are committed, or is it indeed the case that you are not particularly excited about the thesis topic you're currently working on? Maybe the problem is with the topic and not the advisor. It's important to clarify the situation with your current advisor. Either find out why he thinks you're uncommitted or, if you know, have a frank conversation about how you could turn things around. If it's the thesis topic, inquire about changing it. You sound excited about your field so I'm assuming it's not about courses or general content, but maybe there is something there that bothers your advisor too. Work it out with him and get his advice about correcting the problem. At the same time, you could try discreetly seeking the advice of the person who said you show exceptional promise, as a potential future advisor or mentor.

The most important point I want to make is not to read too much into this unpleasant interaction. Take it as an opportunity to fix whatever is not working between you and your advisor. Treat it as a professional interaction without any personal content -- which I think is all that it was.

• OhMySocks , Knox , rising_star and 2 others

Thanks for your response! It was indeed a discussion rather than an email which leads to one of my other issues with him- he is always rushing around and rarely takes the time to sit down and talk with me. This particular conversation happened while he literally had me follow him to pick up his lunch with 20 minutes to spare before he had to teach a class, so it wasn't a great moment for an involved talk that allowed me to respond to his comment at length. I think it was very unfair to drop a bomb like that on me while he was eating his lunch and checking his watch to see when he needed to leave for class.

I am committed, but I am taking a route that does not lead directly to academia, as I'm in a rather unconventional dual degree program. I get the impression that, for him, not wanting to go into academia means not being committed to the discipline. If I'm right about that then I'm not really sure how I can convince him otherwise. If a 4.0, positive reviews from other professors, serving on a committee, and attending almost every departmental event doesn't demonstrate commitment to him then I have no idea what would.

I wish I were of the "prove him wrong" personality type, but I don't think I am. 

I don't understand why you think your advisor hates you based on this correspondence. It sounds like you may be over-interpreting a legitimate criticism of your behavior as criticism of you as a person -- but nothing in your description of your conversation made it sound like there was anywhere near the level of emotion that you are attributing to your advisor. With that said, if I am interpreting the situation correctly then your advisor was not happy with something but it is most definitely not beyond repair and has not damaged your relationship much, if at all. That aside, I think in general it's not too late to change advisors at this stage in your program. If the problem with the current advisor is simply that your personalities don't match, that problem is unlikely to fix itself or go away. You could learn to get along, but not much more than that. If there is someone else in your department who is a better match for you in that sense, I think you'll get more out of your MA experience if you work with them. Another question is why your advisor thinks that you are uncommitted. Do you think you are committed, or is it indeed the case that you are not particularly excited about the thesis topic you're currently working on? Maybe the problem is with the topic and not the advisor. It's important to clarify the situation with your current advisor. Either find out why he thinks you're uncommitted or, if you know, have a frank conversation about how you could turn things around. If it's the thesis topic, inquire about changing it. You sound excited about your field so I'm assuming it's not about courses or general content, but maybe there is something there that bothers your advisor too. Work it out with him and get his advice about correcting the problem. At the same time, you could try discreetly seeking the advice of the person who said you show exceptional promise, as a potential future advisor or mentor. The most important point I want to make is not to read too much into this unpleasant interaction. Take it as an opportunity to fix whatever is not working between you and your advisor. Treat it as a professional interaction without any personal content -- which I think is all that it was.

Thanks for your insight. I'm sure you are absolutely correct that I took this too personally and that is definitely a flaw of mine in general. I think part of my reaction is that, to be honest, I don't think he is particularly committed to me as an advisee. As I mentioned in a previous post, it is hard to get him to take the time to discuss my ideas and plans- the conversation we had today only happened at all because he had me follow him to lunch in a spare 20 minutes he had before class. I feel pretty disrespected that he picked a moment where he was wolfing down his lunch and about to run out the door to tell me that he doesn't think I am committed- it didn't allow me to ask him to elaborate OR defend myself.

I also think you hit the nail on the head with the issue of my thesis topic. It's true, I am NOT 100% enthused and I honestly feel like I may have accepted my offer under somewhat misleading pretenses. When I interviewed with him, he told me that I would be able to do a field work with him and have a particular focus. Now, that is not panning out and I am not being given the research opportunities I thought I would be.

I think I will take your advice and seek out the advice of another potential advisor. It sucks to admit this myself, by I think my advisor and I are just a bad match in general- both in terms of research interests and in terms of personality.

At this moment, I am not planning to continue with a PhD. It's not out of the question in the future, but since I am working on two masters degrees I don't want to rush into a PhD immediately afterwards. Unfortunately, I don't know of anyone in the department who has switched advisors, which makes me worry that it is frowned upon. However, our department handbook does allow for it so I imagine it MUST come up occasionally. I do hope to talk to him about this more, but he is difficult to pin down or communicate with. Thanks for your response!

• rising_star

I don't interpret what you said as your advisor hating you. That said, if you want to change advisors, you should. It's definitely not too late. Talk to your department's DGS about how to do this and identify some professors that you would want to work with AND that are willing to work with you.

FWIW, I considered changing advisors during my MA and that was at the end of my second semester. I decided not to because I realized that for the work I wanted to do, the advisor I had was the best person. That isn't to say that we always got along or that she was always thrilled with my research and progress. But, she was willing to let me get what I wanted out of the degree and didn't force me to do things that didn't make sense for the kind of scholar I wanted to be.

Okay, now that I've said all that. You really do need to try to arrange a sitdown conversation with your advisor. I know that a lot of people meet with their advisors weekly or every other week, but I've never had that kind of relationship with either my MA or PhD advisors. Basically, I meet with them when I want ro have time or because they want to. That's what works for me. If that isn't what works for you, that could be part of the reason you want to find a new advisor. If you do go that route, find out about that person's advising style *before* you commit.

ETA: Whoo, my 2900th post here. Wow!

I would say treat this like a job.  In a job, you can't switch supervisors.  I would email and ask for a scheduled meeting to continue the discussion.  Go in willing to listen.  Ask for clarification on the critique, and ask what your advisor is looking for.  Discuss your goals for your MA, and ask your advisor if they feel they are the right person to support those goals.  Try to leave the emotion out, and try to have an open mind.  It could be there is a miscommunication somewhere, it could be your advisor thinks you have different goals than you actually do, it could be you and your advisor just aren't a good fit.  I would try for a professional conversation before going to the director or requesting a switch.  If the conversation doesn't go well, then I would request the switch.  I was in a very small program so we only had one advisor.

Tall Chai Latte

What you described reminded me of a rotation I had with a professor. The situation was very similar, and she blamed me for "not being committed" because the experiments I assigned to do did not work out within the first two weeks I was there (I was only given three weeks total to rotate). Luckily it was only a rotation and we really rubbed each other the wrong way. Having to deal with the bad evaluation she wrote later on was not pleasant. 

Elizabeth Reed

I agree with what I take to be the general message of previous comments: the most important thing is that you handle this professionally. I don't think you need to make a decision about switching just yet. You can try following up with him, see how it goes, and continue mulling over the options during your attempt to establish a better working relationship with him. Then reevaluate your options after you see how that goes. Here's my advice, FWIW: start by emailing your advisor to request a meeting. This email is an opportunity to shape his perception of you, so I would use it as such. Don't convey any shock, hurt feelings, etc. Instead, say something along the lines of (1) you appreciated the candor of his remark about your commitment, and (2) you would appreciate the opportunity to discuss this further. With respect to (2) try to be neither defensive nor self-deprecating -- you don't have to give any indication of whether you think his perception is correct or not -- instead frame your interest in learning more as one motivated by an eagerness to grow and learn (in other words, you want to discuss this because you're *always* looking for ways to improve and you take criticism as a valuable learning opportunity). I don't think it matters that much exactly what you say in your email as long as you maintain a professional tone. Remember, academia is a harsh place and thick skin is required to survive in it!

If he blows you off (doesn't reply, gives you 5 minutes in between his other commitments, etc.) you will have gathered more data about his willingness to invest some of his time in working with you, and you will have demonstrated an adroit response to criticism. If he doesn't blow you off, then carry the same professional demeanor into your meeting with him. I would try to hear him out, keep your composure even if what he says feels harsh, and avoid any defensiveness. You're not likely to change his mind by pointing out that he's wrong (even if he is), so your best bet is to try to impress him with how you receive the criticism - maturely (you nod and say "I see what you're saying" or "I understand how it could seem that way" etc etc) not dramatically (displaying anger, hurt feelings, crushing disappointment, etc). 

In terms of your feeling misled...since he sounds like the I'm-such-a-big-shot-I-can't-be-bothered type, I doubt you'll get far by voicing that complaint. I'd say either find a way to get the most out of whatever projects you actually can work on with him, or switch advisors. If there's no way you can work up some more enthusiasm for anything other than a project he's not going to give you, then I don't see how you're going to get along with him. It does sound like he might be a Mr. Important type, but even if he's a pompous jerk there's still something to be said for looking at things from his perspective. He most likely IS very busy and really does have overwhelming demands on his time. He doesn't want to deal with students who aren't self-motivated, taking initiative, showing enthusiasm, putting in a lot of time and effort, and so on. If he senses that you aren't into the work you're doing with him, he probably finds that irritating or at least a reason to be dismissive. Even nice, generous-with-time profs often have that sort of reaction.

OK that's way more rambling than I intended. Whatever you decide to do, hope it works out for you and best of luck!

Oops, one more thing I forgot to mention...

In terms of hearing him out about the commitment thing: I think it would be totally appropriate and OK for you to be straightforward and direct with him about the fact that your enthusiasm hasn't been at 100%. I wouldn't say, "I don't seem committed because I'm not very enthusiastic about the project since it's not at all like what you said I could work on with you." But I might say something like, "Your comment gave me pause, and I realized after assessing my level of enthusiasm that I actually haven't felt very invested in this particular project" followed by either "I've been thinking about your paper on Topic X in Journal Y, and I am very interested in the question of how Z relates to X; do you think it would be possible for me to focus on a project around that?" or (only if it's a least kinda true!) "I've been thinking about the project more since I had that realization, and now I'm looking at it as an opportunity to learn more about Method P, which will help me in the future because I can apply it to Topic Q." 

juilletmercredi

Given that you said you only had about 20 minutes while your advisor is distracted, I agree that you need to email him to set up a meeting - a real one, one that lasts at least 30 minutes and is you two sitting down and talking.  If he refuses to give you 30 minutes of undistracted time, then perhaps you do need another advisor.

If he will give the time, though, I think you need to very straightforwardly ask him why he thinks you are not committed.   What, to him, is exhibiting commitment?  Is he a reasonable person, or is he one of those "if you're not working 100 hours a week then you are not committed"?  Think about his feedback critically, separating your own hurt emotions from it.  It's entirely possible that he simply dislikes you and that he's saying this because he dislikes you, but it's just as possible (without knowing more about the situation) that he is truly trying to help you and that you *aren't* showing commitment.   Before you run immediately to changing, try to engage in a dialogue with your advisor.  Why doesn't he think you are showing commitment?  What can you do to show more commitment?  What kinds of things does he expect you to do?

Then if he gives you those answers, you can assess your next steps.  If they seem like reasonable criticisms and you are willing to change, you can make the necessary changes.  Or you may decide that you really do want to switch, but at least you will have full information and a reason why when you go to your DGS.

FWIW, I had a friend in our MPH program who changed her advisor in March of her second year.  She had significant difficulties with her previous advisor, and needed to make the switch.  It did take her the summer to graduate - so she got her MPH in October instead of May.  I don't think the spring of your first year is too late to change, but I think you need to have a concrete, clear reason for switching advisors aside from just a general unease with this person.

Thanks a ton for all your responses- they've all been very helpful. I will be seeing him tomorrow, and it will be interesting to see if we can sit down and have a real conversation or if he will be distracted/scattered again. I did also email two other professors in the department and express interest in meeting with them to discuss what I phrased as "general career/advising questions."

Tomorrow I will also be getting coffee with one of my advisors older students. Interestingly enough, the same day that words were exchanged with my advisor she contacted me and said that she felt like she hadn't been as helpful as she should have been during my first semesters in the program and that she "wanted to make it up to me." Of course, this makes me suspicious that he may have said something to her, which (if I am correct) makes me further doubt the condition of our professional relationship.

Anyway, we shall see...

St Andrews Lynx

If your advisor spoke with the older student about you then that's not necessarily a bad thing. The way I interpret this: your advisor thinks you could benefit from more guidance and asked the older student to help mentor you through the project a bit more. That is a good thing.  It suggests he has not "given up" on you and is looking for ways to help you improve your performance in his group. 

Whilst working in industry I had a European supervisor who was blunt on several occasions about the weaknesses he perceived in me. My first instinct was to be stung by the comments, but I realised that he did not mean to be negative and wasn't criticising me personally - he wanted to help me. We ended up having a great working relationship with really high levels of mutual respect, simply because we were both honest about ourselves and didn't take professional feedback personally. 

One of the things that I haven't seen mentioned is that I would see a disconnect between what you are focusing on (grades, departmental events, serving on a committee) and what your professor likely is (your research).

I've seen a lot of our first years come in and focus way too much on coursework, and other things, and do well- but not get great feedback from faculty. And it's because they're not focusing nearly enough on the research relative to the other things.

At least in my field, a 4.0 is nice, but a 3.6 and productive research is much better.

• TakeruK , St Andrews Lynx and Chai_latte

I don't think this is a bad thing, either. In my experience, research groups work on a mentorship level, and it's not necessarily limited to mentoring between prof and grad student. If a prof is worried that their younger/junior students are falling behind, it totally makes sense for a busy prof to ask the more experienced senior students to lend a hand, or maybe talk to you and figure out what's going on. If you feel disconnected from your prof, chances are, the prof feels disconnected from you too. Maybe the prof feels that their entire research group (which might only include this other student) isn't as well connected to each other as he/she would like, so they are encouraging this by getting their group members to talk to each other more.

In my opinion, the "professional relationship" protects things like the reason for a personal leave of absence, or your exact grades in a course etc. I don't think it's unprofessional for a prof to discuss with their senior students (or other profs) how they feel you are performing at research or classes in general (i.e. a comment like "Student X is really committed to classes but I really wish he/she would prioritize research more" or "Student X could use some guidance on performing literature reviews" etc.), as long as there is good reason (e.g. mentorship/asking for someone to help out) instead of just gossip. 

As for changing advisors, I don't think it's too late. I know people who have completely changed projects after an entire year of their Masters. They finished about 1 semester later, but that's not necessarily the end of the world (this was in Canada where the new advisors agreed to continue funding the student even past the standard 2 years of guaranteed funding -- so if you currently have funding now, perhaps you should also ask a potential new advisor what would happen after 2 years are up!)

• St Andrews Lynx and 1Q84

I missed this prior to replying, but I think an older student taking you out to coffee is a great thing. You didn't mention if they were another masters student or a PhD student- if the latter, I would think it's quite common to have PhD students help oversee masters students, especially senior ones.

It goes without saying in our research group that the older grad students will help mentor the newer ones.

And it's definitely not, imo, a breach of a professional relationship for a PI to discuss, as TakeruK said, generalities about his younger advisees with the senior ones. From my experience, it's actually quite common.

It's both a way of preparing the older grad students to be mentors, especially if they're going on into academia, as well as getting their help or input.

• 1 year later...

I think it is sad that so many grad students have to put up with bad advisors who have no idea how to interact with actual human beings. I have seen students on medication because they can't seem to get along with their advisor. This goes beyond needing to produce a professional dissertation. If it was just a matter of having more references or expanding a section of the writing it might be OK. Too often I see professors who are petty and vain, give conflicting advice and even steal their advisees work. I feel strongly that there need to be some sort of monitoring of advisors to ensure the quality of what they do. These professors are in charge of our country, and often the worlds future educators, researchers and leaders. Do we really want to leave that all up to chance? We know they have knowledge related to their field, but that does not mean they automatically know how to be a good advisor. Counselors receive extensive training on how to advise their clients on important issues and are also subject to ongoing clinical supervision of their work to ensure continued quality. However, academic advisors have no training, and no regular supervision. Why is this OK?   

I'm not really sure what this has to do with an 18 month old thread, that really doesn't address the discussion at hand. 

That said, PIs (not to be conflated with academic advisors, which are a different thing altogether) are not counselors. They're not "advisors". They're CEO's of a small company, of which the students are employees, with according seniority. 

Most departments also have people with some training as advisors- either academic advisors, which may or may not be faculty, or the departments graduate coordinator/graduate advisor.

That said, while it sucks, having a range of people who you can and can't work with isn't any different in any other segment of the workforce. Some managers/bosses/PIs/supervisors are antisocial/sociopathic, but you still have to learn how to either learn to deal with them, or learn how to avoid them. At least, unlike most of the workforce, as a graduate student you get to *choose* your advisor. And you can *choose* to drop them and find another one. Sadly, many graduate students make bad choices about who to work for, and continue to work for them far longer than is productive. 

Well, advisors/professors are human.  And like most other humans, many of them are excellent at some aspects of their job and not others.  Some professors are amazing teachers and terrible grant-writers; some professors are great mentors but terrible teachers; some professors are amazing researchers but terrible mentors.

I also think the impact of this is overblown.  There's no evidence to believe that most or a significant chunk of graduate students have terrible advisors who don't know how to interact with human beings.  Some advisors may be awkward at mentoring, but that doesn't mean they can't interact with people.

I think this is also an ideal time to say that your PI will NOT necessarily be your "mentor."  An advisor for research purposes is actually quite different and not necessarily completely overlapping with a mentor.  Some PIs are not interested in mentoring their graduate students, although they may be quite competent in guiding you in research and dissertation writing.  Many grad students will have to seek formal and informal mentors in people other than their PI.

Professors do not have regular training and supervision in advising because that is not the core of what they do, or even a significant portion of their jobs in relation to everything else.  They're definitely not clinicians or counselors.  I think that while sometimes some advisors are awkward and maybe even downright mean, many graduate students also misinterpret the role of an advisor this way.  He's an advisor because he gives you advice on your graduate program - but that is NOT the same thing as a counselor, who is there to support you emotionally.  If your advisor cares about your emotional needs, that's kind of a bonus.

And frankly, at many institutions the department doesn't really care about the quality of their mentorship.  They care about the grant money and funding they get, and the research they put out.  If a notoriously terrible advisor is also productive and their graduate students are graduating steadily, that's seen as a win for the department.  I mean, they don't want advisors who are actively scaring people into quitting and putting all of their students on anti-anxiety medication - but one who meets with students once a semester and never responds to emails?  Eh, if he's producing.

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