persuasive speech outline on living together before marriage

A Speech on “Is It Better to Live Together Before Marriage or To Wait?

Moving in with your partner or cohabiting is never a bad choice; more than disadvantages it has always satisfied couples with more advantages that stop them from making the wrong choice or end up in divorce due to choosing a partner earlier without much knowledge. In my opinion, living together before marriage could be a good decision to maintain a healthy married life. 

Cohabiting at such an early age is a mistake, but in an appropriate age above 25 could be beneficial. It’s practically an age where both men and women focus on life seriously and take wise decisions for their future. More than 52 percent of the people follow and support cohabiting in the United States, and day by day it has been increasing. The most often disadvantage that involves what the family would say or the shame that one has to face in society has reduced rapidly and is still reducing nowadays. Here are few fun perks on why cohabitation is a better choice before marriage;

Gives a better understanding on what married life will be with your partner. Marriage is not just about the romance, it’s also about the hardships of life that both of them face in a day to day manner. You pretty much have a boring life daily, and with a partner, you get to be boring together and experience the fun behaviors and explore opinions and ideas and much more. You get an opportunity to cross the honeymoon period and see life with it’s seriousness and then tie the knot to a fine new beginning.  

Helps to find out if your living habits are compatible. Practice over the lifetime of living together under the same roof is always a major benefit. Helps to realize each other’s tolerance level as well as the peaks of getting upset in various situations caused due to the differences between each other. Helps to maintain or understand easier ways to adapt and balance each other’s behaviors, habits, and time schedules in an early manner.

Learns to share Responsibilities, Chores and keep track of spending habits. Married life is a huge responsibility that is a necessity which has to be followed or tried to adapt by both of them. Being strangers and not knowing much of each other could make it hard to blend in. Sharing household chores like cooking, laundry and cleaning or sharing other responsibilities like budget management, running errands and working together could be learned much faster and could be for a good new start after marriage. Handling money which includes saving, negotiating and spending for right things could be learned when spending more time together. Acquire and insight on each other’s sexual desires. One of the important parts of married life. Through spending more moments together, both will end up sexually intimate everyday, if they like. Each would learn to respect and value each other’s sexual tastes and find a good balance in terms of the frequency for a good sexual life.

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Should You Live Together Before Marriage? Real Talk From Experts

Say hello to your new roomie.

But that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. As with most relationship issues, when it comes to deciding whether you should cohabitate before marriage, it all depends on the individuals involved. So to help you weigh the pros and cons, I chatted with two relationship experts. Here’s what to know.

Living together before marriage definitely comes with some advantages.

“Going from living on your own terms to sharing a place with someone can be simultaneously fun and extraordinarily challenging,” says Logan Levkoff, Ph.D., a sex and relationships expert in NYC. “Sharing a space can bring up a lot of issues and put your relationship to the test: You get a crash course in cooperation, negotiation, your ability to put someone's needs and tastes above or equal to your own. These are all relationship experiences that you should have prior to getting married.”

Megan Fleming, Ph.D., an NYC-based sex and relationship therapist, agrees, adding that living with someone and spending nearly 24/7 with them means you'll have a chance to really, truly see their priorities and values, as well as how those line up with yours . It’s like a practice run for what your everyday life might be like if you do decide to get married down the road.

Another important point it brings up: how you align on the topic of sex. “It gives you a sense of how attuned you are to each others’ sexual needs , in terms of both frequency and quality,” Fleming says. “Sex is a small part of a relationship when it’s going well. When it’s not going well, it’s a big part of a relationship.”

One study also shows that people who cohabitated with their S.O. self-reported higher physical and mental health than those who didn’t live with their lover (married couples also reported higher health) . So check off the box for cohabitors being happier with their bodies and mind, too.

What are the disadvantages of living together before marriage?

Levkoff doesn't list any major cons to cohabitating with your partner pre-marriage—she’s a big proponent. But Fleming mentions that marriage usually means more of a commitment than living together, which likely translates to people putting in more of an effort with that level of loyalty compared to simply sharing a shelter.

On the other hand, when you’re dating and you do start to intertwine your lives by moving in together, it’s more difficult to break it off if you need to, Fleming says. This could be one of the reasons research shows that although living with your partner before marriage leads to more success in the first year, down the line, it can actually increase the risk of divorce .

Researchers aren’t sure why this is, but Fleming says it could be that after you move in together, you may realize it’s too tough to cut ties, so you get married instead. Years later, you might decide it’s not for you and bam, divorce . So the key to avoiding divorce down the line could be figuring out your level of commitment to the relationship even before you share a front door.

Fleming also says this research could be outdated, particularly since it’s more acceptable nowadays to live with your partner before marriage than it was years ago (although the research was published in 2018, it's based on data from 1970 to 2015). So many factors play into these divorce rates, too—including age, religion, whether it’s your first marriage, whether you lived with someone before, and so on.

And to top off the confusion on the science, the research looks at the success of a marriage as simply staying together, when of course what really matters is happiness in the marriage , Fleming says.

“Statistics can be helpful in some ways, but really, you have to know yourself,” says Fleming. “Relationships are an effort, so you have to work at it,” whether you’re living together sans rings or married.

Is there anything else I should know before deciding to live with my partner?

Well, you might want to have a convo about why each of you wants to move in together, Levkoff says.

“ It's always important to know if you are on the same page ," she adds. "And if you are not, at least you can manage your own expectations accordingly."

Bring up the convo as soon as you feel ready and you’re up for the discussion. It doesn’t necessarily matter how long you’ve been together (though, LBH, month one seems a little early)—just as long as you feel ready to talk about it. You can also make it super-casual, asking things like, “Have you ever lived with someone?” or “Have you ever wanted to live with someone?” These Qs will at least start the discussion.

Keep in mind, you likely want to consider living together a true commitment—a pledge from both parties that you’re in this relationship and ready to work on it—rather than a convenience, says Fleming. In other words, don’t let your bank account drive your decision to cohabitate . “It’s more important to make your decision based on your partner, rather than rent,” Fleming says.

You might also want to chat about a few things before you sign that lease, like your individual expectations of a shared living space—things like who might need more alone time or privacy (say, if you’re an introvert and your partner is not), as well as cleanliness (a common source of tension).

The goal for these discussions: Figure out your non-negotiables—what you can deal with on the daily, and what might lead to a break up , says Fleming.

Ask yourself, “What do I want from my partner and my life?” And then talk to your partner about your answer to figure out if you envision your futures playing out similarly. “You want to help each other grow as a couple, but also as individuals,” Fleming adds. To do that, you need to devote more time and energy to making things work, rather than just moving in together on a whim and seeing how things go.

So, should you live together before marriage?

Ultimately, experts say you and your partner should just do you, because everyone is different.

Just remember: A shared roof may not take the place of a marriage license, says Levkoff. “Moving in shouldn't be a replacement for marriage, if marriage is what you want. It should be a stepping stone,” she explains. That means if someone is saying yes to living together just to put off marriage talks, that doesn’t necessarily bode well for the future. So talk about it.

Moving in with someone, especially if you both have hopes of getting married, is all about blending your lives and bringing together things you both enjoy—creating a “couple identity,” as Levkoff says. So just make sure everyone is on the same page about what the next step means, before you sign the housing papers .

Mallory Creveling, an ACE-certified personal trainer and RRCA-certified run coach, joined the Runner's World and Bicycling team in August 2021. She has more than a decade of experience covering fitness, health, and nutrition. As a freelance writer, her work appeared in Women's Health, Self, Men's Journal, Reader's Digest, and more. She has also held staff editorial positions at Family Circle and Shape magazines, as well as DailyBurn.com . A former New Yorker/Brooklynite, she's now based in Easton, PA.

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Living Together Before Marriage

Here's what to consider before moving in together

Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Verywell / Theresa Chiechi

• Reasons Couples Live Together
• Factors to Consider
• Potential Effects
• Pros and Cons

Living together before marriage was once considered taboo; however, it has become more common and accepted over time. If you’ve been seeing your partner and things are going well, moving in together may cross your mind.

Moving in with your partner is a significant step because it marks a major progression in the relationship, says Sabrina Romanoff , PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City.

At a Glance

Living together before marriage is common for many couples, but there are important pros and cons to consider. Cohabitating can help you get to know one another more and figure out if you are truly compatible, but moving in together for the wrong reasons can lead to bigger problems down the road. Keep reading to learn more about some factors to consider while deciding whether to live with your partner before marriage and some potential advantages and disadvantages of this arrangement.

Reasons for Living Together Before Marriage

There are a variety of reasons why people opt to live together before they decide to make a long-term commitment. Research has found that the primary reasons couples choose to live together are to spend more time together, to share expenses, and to evaluate their compatibility.

For many couples, it's a great way to see if they are truly compatible before deciding if marriage is the right choice for them. Co-habitating offers many insights into a person's habits, personality, and behavior. Sharing a space allows couples to truly get to know one another in a way that they might not if they lived separately.

But cohabitation isn't just about playing house or deepening the relationship—it's an economic necessity for many people. High living expenses mean that many adults must have one or more roommates to split expenses. For many, it makes sense to take that step with the person they are dating.

Research has found that around half of cohabitating couples end up separating. Economic factors appear to play a deciding role in whether couples who live together end up walking down the aisle. Simply put, wealthier couples are more like to wed.  

Living together before marriage may help you save money as a couple, offering greater financial stability and increasing your shared resources. While it might not be particularly romantic, research suggests that this factor alone may increase the likelihood of marriage.

However, moving in together because of economic pressure might mean that neither of you is as committed to the relationship as you might be if you take this step based on desire.

Factors to Consider Before Living Together

Below, Romanoff lists some of the factors to consider while deciding whether to live with your partner before marriage.

Your Reasons for Wanting to Live Together

The first factor to consider is your motivation for moving in with your partner. Partners who move in out of financial convenience or to test their relationship may be less satisfied with their decision in the long run and in turn, may not end up getting married.

This is in contrast to couples who decide to move in together out of their genuine desire to spend more time together and deliberately fuse their lives. You should want to learn more about your partner and progress your relationship.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

Remember the importance of choosing your partner because you want to be with them, and don’t let your decisions be made out of fear or convenience.

Your Age and Stage of Life

Age and stage of life are other important considerations. It can be helpful to give each other space to live alone or with friends before taking this step, so that each partner is able to experience a range of independent and peer living situations before committing to living with each other.

Once people have experienced these varied living arrangements, they tend to appreciate their partners and don’t feel as if they are missing out on experiences their peers are having.

Your Conversations With Your Partner

It’s important to make the deliberate decision to move in together instead of casually easing into cohabitation. Sliding into cohabitation can be risky because it bypasses important decisions and conversations that will cause more problems down the road.

For instance, you may slowly start to spend more time at one of your homes and think it makes sense to move in together out of convenience or financial incentive. You may then consider marriage because you’ve lived together for so long, already invested so much time into your partner, and think you might not be able to find someone else at this point in your life.

Instead, it is important to consciously decide to move in together and have conversations with your partner about financial arrangements, who will be responsible for maintaining what, and how space will be allocated to incorporate both people’s values and beliefs.

Implications of Living Together Before Marriage

Moving in with your partner can have significant implications for your relationship. Romanoff outlines some of these below.

Increased Commitment

Before you move in, there are more opportunities for refuge. If you have a fight, are annoyed, or are frustrated with each other, you can always return to your own space .

Moving in means committing to the good and bad in each other and in your relationship. You each are committing to show up and stay together on the good as well as the bad days.

Increased Investment

Moving in together means that you are investing in the relationship in a more substantial way. The next progressive step after moving in is usually a more formal commitment like marriage or alternatively, if things do not work out, a breakup.

Breakups after moving in together are significantly more complicated because you must separate your lives, which tend to become blended in elaborate ways.

Increased Trust

Living together also means that you’re pledging to show each other the parts of yourself that may have remained hidden up until this part of your relationship. You risk vulnerability and exposing all of your little rituals or quirky habits.

You have to trust your partner and make this commitment with the confidence that your relationship will not only survive but will become stronger after knowing these parts of each other.

Pros and Cons of Living Together Before Marriage

Romanoff shares some of the advantages and disadvantages that people commonly experience when they decide to live together before marriage.

You get to know each other better

It can deepen your relationship

It can be a sign of commitment

Feel more confident in your decision to get married

May decrease commitment to marriage

Can lead to staying together even if you're not compatible

You might feel you wasted your time if you break up

It may be harder to move on after a break up

Advantages of Living Together Before Marriage

The advantage of living together before marriage is the opportunity to learn how you would navigate a life together without the internal and external pressure that comes with marriage.

For many, marriage signifies a commitment that cannot be easily undone. The weight of that commitment, especially from family members or friends, can skew problems or conflicts that may arise in a relationship.

Living together may also help boost health and well-being. Research has long shown that marriage provides many health benefits, and evidence also suggests that living together can confer many of these same benefits.

The benefit of living together pre-marriage is that you can learn more about each other, strengthen your joint ability to problem-solve , and reinforce your relationship and ability to navigate stressors , which can instill more confidence in your decision to get married .

Disadvantages of Living Together Before Marriage

The downside of living together before marriage relates to the tendency for some couples to make less of a commitment to each other or feel less content with their arrangement.

Individuals who decide to cohabitate may have different expectations than their partners about the move. It can lead to challenges if one partner has more unconventional ideas about marriage and might grow complacent in this arrangement, whereas the other partner might expect marriage to follow this step.

It is important to consider the meaning of the move to each partner, especially if this move is motivated as a way to postpone making a commitment for one partner. And that meaning should be communicated to and by each partner as well.

Additionally, standards for cohabitating with a partner are usually lower than standards people have for marriage, which could cause some people to regret the time and energy spent on cohabitating if it does not ultimately lead to marriage.

Keep in Mind

If you and your partner have been going steady and you’re starting to think about living together before marriage, you should be sure of your motivations before you move in. You should genuinely want to spend more time with your partner and learn more about them while being open to exposing yourself to them.

It’s also important to discuss finances , responsibilities, expectations for the future, and other important aspects of your relationship with your partner before you move in so you’re both on the same page before you make this commitment.

Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends Project. Views on marriage and cohabitation in the U.S .

Huang PM, Smock PJ, Manning WD, Bergstrom-Lynch CA. He says, she says: Gender and cohabitation .  J Fam Issues . 2011;32(7):876-905. doi:10.1177/0192513X10397601

Ishizuka P. The economic foundations of cohabiting couples’ union transitions . Demography . 2018;55(2):535-557. doi:10.1007/s13524-018-0651-1

Perelli-Harris B, Hoherz S, Addo F, et al. Do marriage and cohabitation provide benefits to health in mid-life? The role of childhood selection mechanisms and partnership characteristics across countries .  Popul Res Policy Rev . 2018;37(5):703-728. doi:10.1007/s11113-018-9467-3

By Sanjana Gupta Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.

How to Write an Effective Persuasive Speech Outline: 5 Key Elements

• The Speaker Lab
• April 14, 2024

Table of Contents

If you’re a speaker, you are probably well familiar with the path from initial speech drafts to the day you actually present. By its nature, speech delivery is a journey filled with obstacles, yet it’s simultaneously an adventure in persuasion. With a well-crafted persuasive speech outline , you can do more than just present facts and figures to your audience. You can weave them into a narrative that captivates, convinces, and converts.

A meticulously planned persuasive speech outline isn’t just helpful; it’s essential. Crafting this blueprint carefully lets you deliver your message more effectively, making sure each point lands with the impact you’re aiming for. To help you achieve this impact, we have some tips and tricks for you to try.

Writing an Effective Persuasive Speech Outline

When we talk about persuasive speeches , we’re diving into the art of convincing others to see things from a certain point of view. Your speech is your one shot to grab attention, build your case, and inspire action. Your secret weapon for achieving this is your speech outline. In your speech outline, you want to touch on several key elements.

• Pick your fight: Start by zeroing in on what you really want to change or influence with this speech.
• Support your claim with evidence: Identify those key points that back up your stance to appeal to your audience’s rational side .
• The emotional hook: Weave in stories or facts that hit home emotionally .
• Avoid the kitchen sink approach: Don’t throw everything at them hoping something sticks. Be selective and strategic with the info you share.
• Nail that closer: Your conclusion isn’t just goodbye; it’s where you charge your audience with a call to action.

These elements form the backbone of your persuasive speech. By including these in your talk’s outline, you can’t go wrong.

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Establishing Your Main Objective and Structuring Your Points

Now that you have a general idea of what goes into a persuasive speech outline, let’s break a couple of these pieces down and look at them a little more closely.

Identifying the Purpose of Your Persuasive Speech

When writing your speech, you first need to nail down why you’re doing this in the first place. In other words, identify your main objective. After all, choosing to speak up isn’t merely about the desire to express oneself; it’s deeply rooted in understanding the effect you hope your discourse will unleash. Do you hope to sway opinions towards the belief that animal experimentation is a relic of the past? Or perhaps persuade them that social media does more good than harm? Whatever your cause, identifying your main objective will help keep you on track and avoid rambling.

Organizing Key Points for Maximum Impact

Once you’ve determined what you want to persuade your audience of, you can start building your argument. Specifically, you can determine your key points. Key points support your position on a topic, proving to your audience that you have actual reasons for taking your position.

To pack the most punch, arrange these key points in a logical order. Consider how you might connect your key points. Are there some that can be grouped together? The flow of your argument matters just as much as the argument itself, and a disjointed argument won’t do anyone any favors. As you organize your key points, consider these tips:

• Lead with strength, but don’t throw all your cards out at once.
• Build upon each point; important transitions between them can make or break audience engagement.
• Finish strong by tying back everything to the emotional chord you struck at the beginning.

Nailing these steps will ensure that when you speak, your message doesn’t just echo—it resonates.

Selecting Compelling Topics for Your Persuasive Speeches

Let’s face it, picking the right topic for your persuasive speech outline is half the battle. But what makes a topic not just good, but great? First off, it needs to spark interest, both yours and your audience’s. If you’re not fired up about it, chances are they won’t be either. Second, make sure the topic is something relevant. It should resonate with your listeners’ experiences or touch on their concerns and aspirations. Lastly, your topic has to be something you can research and back up with solid facts and expert opinions.

For ideas to get you started, check out a variety of speech topics here .

Enhancing Persuasion Through Rhetorical Appeals

The art of persuasion is something that’s been studied since ancient Greece. Back then, Greek philosopher Aristotle came up with the three rhetorical appeals . Each one described a different way of convincing your audience of your position. Together, these appeals help you form a rock-strong argument, making them worth learning.

Building Credibility with Ethos

To get people on your side, you first need to win their trust. That’s where ethos comes into play. Demonstrating to your listeners that you’re both trustworthy and deserving of their attention hinges on transparency about your qualifications, genuine self, and the wisdom gained from occasional setbacks. Letting folks know why they should listen can make all the difference.

Connecting with the Audience Through Pathos

At some point, we’ve all been moved by a story or an ad because it hit right in the feels. That sort of emotional appeal is called pathos , and it’s powerful stuff. If you want people really invested in what you’re saying, then be sure to use this appeal in your presentation. To harness the power of pathos, try telling a story , especially one your audience can relate to. The key is authenticity—sharing true experiences resonates more than anything fabricated ever could.

Strengthening Arguments with Logos

Last but not least, we have logos, our logical appeal. Oftentimes, this logical appeal entails facts and data points, which are used to back up what you’re selling, turning skeptics into believers. But just because you’re listing facts and figures doesn’t mean this part has to be boring. To keep your audience engaged, craft persuasive narratives and then ground them in robust proof. Giving your story to go with your numbers doesn’t just help keep them engaged, it also helps the information stick.

The Importance of Supporting Evidence and Counterarguments

In your persuasive speech outline, you need to note compelling evidence for each key point. In addition, you’ll want to address opposing views.

Gathering and Presenting Convincing Evidence

No matter how trustworthy you seem, or how compelling your stories are, most people need tangible proof. That’s where concrete evidence steps into the spotlight. To fortify your argument and boost its believability, sprinkle in a mix of hard data, customer stories, numerical evidence, and endorsements from authorities. To illustrate this data for your audience, you may find it helpful to create a slideshow . Supporting every assertion with research is an essential part of any persuasive speech. Without it, arguments inevitably sound flimsy and unconvincing.

Addressing Opposing Views Effectively

Although it may seem counterintuitive, address counter-arguments head-on in your persuasive speech outline. It might feel like walking into enemy territory but it actually strengthens your own argument. By acknowledging opposing views, you’re showing that not only do you know what they are, but also that they don’t scare you.

When you address these counter-arguments, demonstrate your understanding. Again, this is where your good research skills are going to come in handy. Present the facts, and ditch biased explanations. In other words, don’t mock or belittle the other side’s viewpoint or you’ll undermine your own trustworthiness. Instead, explain opposing viewpoints with neutrality.

Adopting this strategy not only neutralizes possible objections but also enhances your stance. Plus, this makes for an engaging dialogue between both sides of any debate, which keeps audience members hooked from start to finish.

In essence, tackling counter-arguments is less about winning over naysayers and more about enriching discussions around hot-button issues. At its core, persuasion isn’t just convincing folks; it’s sparking conversations worth having.

Crafting a Captivating Introduction and Conclusion

Now that you have the body of your persuasive speech outline, it’s time to talk beginning and end. To really hit your message home, you want to grab your audience’s attention at the beginning and call them to action at the end.

Creating an Engaging Hook to Capture Attention

The opening of your speech is where you need a good first impression. To hook your audience, consider starting with an intriguing question, a surprising fact, or even a short story related to your topic. Whatever route you choose, keep it interesting and concise, so that you can transition into the rest of your persuasive speech outline.

Concluding with a Strong Call to Action

Crafting strong conclusions is about leaving your readers feeling pumped and ready to jump into action. After all, if you’ve argued convincingly enough, your audience should be ready to act. To channel this energy, urge listeners towards specific actions. Here are some strategies:

• Suggest clear next steps: Don’t leave your audience hanging wondering what’s next. Give them concrete steps they can take immediately after reading.
• Create urgency: Why wait? Let folks know why now is the perfect time to act.
• Show benefits: Paint vivid pictures of how taking action will positively impact their lives or solve their problems.

With that captivating hook and a decisive call-to-action, you are one step closer to presenting an unforgettable speech.

Utilizing Monroe’s Motivated Sequence for Persuasive Structure

As you finish off your persuasive speech outline, you may be wondering how best to structure your speech. If that’s you, then Purdue University professor Alan H. Monroe has some answers. In his book “Monroe’s Principles of Speech,” the professor outlines Monroe’s Motivated Sequence, the best structure for persuasive speeches. Each step is broken down below.

Attention: Grabbing the Audience’s Focus

You’ve got something important to say. But first, you need them to listen. Start with a bang. Throwing out a shocking truth, posing a thought-provoking query, or sharing an enthralling tale could work magic in grabbing their attention. It’s all about making heads turn and ears perk up.

Need: Highlighting the Issue at Hand

Now that they’re listening, show them there’s a gaping hole in their lives that only your message can fill. Paint a vivid picture of the problem your speech addresses.

Satisfaction: Proposing a Solution

This is where you come in as the hero with a plan. Introduce your solution clearly and convincingly. How does it patch things up? Why does it outshine merely applying quick fixes to deep-rooted issues? Give your audience hope.

Visualization: Helping the Audience Visualize Benefits

Show them life on the other side of adopting your idea or product—brighter, easier, better. Use vivid imagery and relatable scenarios so they can see themselves reaping those benefits firsthand.

Action: Encouraging Audience Action

Last step: nudge them from “maybe” to “yes.” Make this part irresistible by being clear about what action they should take next—and why now’s the time to act. Whether signing up, voting, or changing behavior, make sure they know how easy taking that first step can be.

Learn more about Monroe’s Motivated Sequence here .

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Overcoming Public Speaking Fears for Effective Delivery

Let’s face it, the thought of public speaking can turn even the most confident folks into a bundle of nerves. But hey, you’ve got this. Dive into these expert strategies and you’ll find yourself delivering speeches like a seasoned orator in no time.

Techniques to Build Confidence in Public Speaking

If you’re feeling nervous on the big day, these three techniques are perfect for you. Take a look!

• Breathe: Deep breathing is your secret weapon against those pesky nerves. It tells your brain that everything is going to be okay.
• Pose like a superhero: Stand tall and strike a power pose before you go on stage. This isn’t just fun; science backs it up as a confidence booster .
• Kick perfectionism to the curb: Aim for connection with your audience, not perfection. Mistakes make you human and more relatable.

The goal here is to calm yourself enough to be able to deliver your persuasive speech outline with confidence. Even if you still feel a little nervous, you can still present an awesome speech. You just don’t want those nerves running the show.

Practicing Your Speech for Perfect Execution

If you know that you tend to get nervous when public speaking, then you don’t want to be running through you speech for the first time on the big day. Instead, practice beforehand using these techniques.

• The mirror is your friend: Practice in front of a mirror to catch any odd gestures or facial expressions.
• Vary your voice: As you deliver your speech, let your voice rise and fall to match what you’re sharing. Avoid speaking in a monotone.
• Say no to memorization: Rather than memorizing every word, learn key points by heart. You want to sound natural out there.

Remembering these steps won’t just help you tackle public speaking fear, but will also polish those all-important public speaking skills .

Once you’ve honed the skills you need to write a persuasive speech outline, the only thing left to do is to get out there and practice them. So take the rhetorical appeals—ethos, logos, and pathos—and practice weaving each element into your speech. Or take Monroe’s Motivated Sequence and work on structuring your outline accordingly.

Prepare well and when you hit the stage, you have not just a well-prepared persuasive speech outline, but also the power to alter perspectives, challenge the status quo, or even change lives.

• Last Updated: April 11, 2024

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So Is Living Together Before Marriage Linked to Divorce or What?

Why researchers can't agree after decades of studies

Late last month, the Journal of Marriage and Family published a new study with a somewhat foreboding finding: Couples who lived together before marriage had a lower divorce rate in their first year of marriage, but had a higher divorce rate after five years. It supported earlier research linking premarital cohabitation to increased risk of divorce.

But just two weeks later, the Council on Contemporary Families—a nonprofit group at the University of Texas at Austin—published a report that came to the exact opposite conclusion: Premarital cohabitation seemed to make couples less likely to divorce. From the 1950s through 1970, “those who were willing to transgress strong social norms to cohabit … were also more likely to transgress similar social norms about divorce,” wrote the author, Arielle Kuperberg, a sociology professor at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. But as the rate of premarital cohabitation ballooned to some 70 percent, “its association with divorce faded. In fact, since 2000, premarital cohabitation has actually been associated with a lower rate of divorce, once factors such as religiosity, education, and age at co-residence are accounted for.”

It’s not unheard-of for contemporaneous studies on the same topic to reach opposite conclusions, but it’s somewhat surprising for them to do so after analyzing so much of the same data. Both studies analyzed several cycles of the National Survey of Family Growth, a longitudinal data set of women (and men, starting in 2002) between the ages of 15 and 44, though Kuperberg’s study incorporates some data from another survey as well. And, this isn’t the first time researchers have come to differing conclusions about the implications of premarital cohabitation. The practice has been studied for more than 25 years, and there’s been significant disagreement from the start as to whether premarital cohabitation increases couples’ risk of divorce. Differences in researchers’ methodologies and priorities account for some of that disagreement. But in the curious, still-developing story of whether cohabitation does or doesn’t affect the odds of divorce, subjectivity on the part of researchers and the public may also play a leading role.

Read: The science of cohabitation

After a landmark study from 1992 suggested a link between living together and divorce, a flurry of subsequent studies investigated why this might be. Intuitively, a trial run of living together before marriage should increase the stability of a relationship. One such study questioned whether the relationship between cohabitation and divorce was a product of selection: Could it just be that people who were more likely to consider divorce an option were more likely to live together unmarried?

However, over the years, many researchers began wondering whether earlier findings that linked cohabitation to divorce were a relic of a time when living together before marriage was an unconventional thing to do. Indeed, as cohabitation has become more normalized, it has ceased to be so strongly linked to divorce. Steffen Reinhold, of the University of Mannheim’s Research Institute for the Economics of Aging, pointed out in a 2010 study that in European countries, the correlation disappeared when the cohabitation-before-marriage rate among married adults reached about 50 percent; the U.S. seems to have just gotten to this threshold. In 2012, a study in the Journal of Marriage and Family concluded that “since the mid-1990s, whether men or women cohabited with their spouse prior to marriage is not related to marital stability.” This is the same journal that just published a study finding the opposite.

Galena Rhoades, a psychologist at the University of Denver, has a few theories as to why it’s so difficult to glean what effect, if any, cohabitation has on marital stability. For one, she says, it’s hard to study divorce in ways that are useful and accurate, because the best data sets take so long to collect. Many people don’t get divorced until many years into their marriage, and the social norms around cohabitation in the U.S. have evolved quickly, so “if we study a cohort of people who got married 20 years ago, by the time we have the data on whether they got a divorce or not, their experience in living together and their experience of the social norms around living together are from 20 years ago,” Rhoades told me. In other words, by the time researchers have enough longitudinal data to know whether one is meaningfully linked to the other, the social norms that shaped the findings will hardly be of use to couples today trying to figure out how cohabitation could affect their relationship. Thus, Rhoades said, longitudinal studies tend to paint a full picture of the relationship between living together and divorce, while simultaneously telling Americans today little about the time they actually live in.

Rhoades believes that studies should take into consideration couples’ intentions when they move in together—something neither of the recently published studies does. As she and her colleague Scott Stanley have found in their own research, when analyzing only couples who move in together with the intention of getting married, and thus excluding those who eschew marriage or just want to save money on rent, the heightened risk of divorce disappears. That’s because living together—which often results in a shared apartment lease or ownership of a home, joint custody of pets, or at the very least a shared accumulation of stuff—makes breaking up a greater logistical challenge.

“Some couples move in together without really having a plan for their relationship, and they can ‘wind up’ getting married even though they may not have if they hadn’t been living together,” she says. Which in turn leads to a lower degree of marital satisfaction and a higher risk of divorce.

Read: The age of ‘shotgun cohabitation’

But as Justin Lehmiller, a sex researcher at the Kinsey Institute and the author of the book Tell Me What You Want , says, there might be more to the scholarly controversy over cohabitation than just disagreements about methodology or analysis.

“It’s not just that we’re talking about different outcomes; we’re talking about using the same data and showing different outcomes,” he told me. It comes down to: “Whose judgment do we trust more?”

One reason Lehmiller thinks premarital cohabitation may be controversial among researchers is because the practice is controversial in general. It has historically been culturally frowned upon—it is, after all, an unapologetic signal to the outside world that premarital sex is being had in a particular household. In many places, that stigma lingers today, which could give the studies linking it to unsuccessful marriages some staying power.

“Popular beliefs tend to die hard, even in the face of evidence that might disconfirm them,” Lehmiller said. “Some people might want to believe certain things about the impact of living together before marriage, maybe stemming from religious or moral beliefs.”

But Rhoades pushed back on the suggestion that some bias toward confirming researchers’ own beliefs may be at work. “In general that can be true in psychology and in sociology; any scientific field, I think that can happen,” she said. “But because there’s such heated debate, I would bet that good researchers are extra careful about what they wind up publishing.”

As researchers move toward a more nuanced understanding of what cohabitation means for the future of unmarried romantic partners, several factors urgently need to be considered, according to the experts I spoke with. Lehmiller said studies of cohabitation should start working with data sets that include same-sex couples and move away from equating the stability of a marriage with its success. “Some people have views about marriage that would lead them to stay in one even if it’s not satisfying,” he said. In other words, just because a marriage lasts doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best outcome for either party.

Rhoades, though, believes that research should acknowledge the many simultaneous ways marriage itself is changing versus just couples’ living situations before they tie the knot. As the average age of when Americans marry rises, so does the average number of Americans’ sexual partners before marrying . People are simply experiencing more before committing to one partner for life, she said, and expectations of the institution are shifting accordingly. As the research on what makes people get married and stay married matures, it’s important for researchers to think about all those premarital experiences as having an aggregate impact on marriages and families. “Cohabitation is just one part of it,” she said. “There’s a larger landscape for us to be considering.”

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Persuasive Speech Outline, with Examples

March 17, 2021 - Gini Beqiri

A persuasive speech is a speech that is given with the intention of convincing the audience to believe or do something. This could be virtually anything – voting, organ donation, recycling, and so on.

A successful persuasive speech effectively convinces the audience to your point of view, providing you come across as trustworthy and knowledgeable about the topic you’re discussing.

So, how do you start convincing a group of strangers to share your opinion? And how do you connect with them enough to earn their trust?

Topics for your persuasive speech

We’ve made a list of persuasive speech topics you could use next time you’re asked to give one. The topics are thought-provoking and things which many people have an opinion on.

When using any of our persuasive speech ideas, make sure you have a solid knowledge about the topic you’re speaking about – and make sure you discuss counter arguments too.

Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• All school children should wear a uniform
• Facebook is making people more socially anxious
• It should be illegal to drive over the age of 80
• Lying isn’t always wrong
• The case for organ donation

Read our full list of  75 persuasive speech topics and ideas .

Preparation: Consider your audience

As with any speech, preparation is crucial. Before you put pen to paper, think about what you want to achieve with your speech. This will help organise your thoughts as you realistically can only cover 2-4 main points before your  audience get bored .

It’s also useful to think about who your audience are at this point. If they are unlikely to know much about your topic then you’ll need to factor in context of your topic when planning the structure and length of your speech. You should also consider their:

• Cultural or religious backgrounds
• Shared concerns, attitudes and problems
• Shared interests, beliefs and hopes
• Baseline attitude – are they hostile, neutral, or open to change?

The factors above will all determine the approach you take to writing your speech. For example, if your topic is about childhood obesity, you could begin with a story about your own children or a shared concern every parent has. This would suit an audience who are more likely to be parents than young professionals who have only just left college.

Remember the 3 main approaches to persuade others

There are three main approaches used to persuade others:

The ethos approach appeals to the audience’s ethics and morals, such as what is the ‘right thing’ to do for humanity, saving the environment, etc.

Pathos persuasion is when you appeal to the audience’s emotions, such as when you  tell a story  that makes them the main character in a difficult situation.

The logos approach to giving a persuasive speech is when you appeal to the audience’s logic – ie. your speech is essentially more driven by facts and logic. The benefit of this technique is that your point of view becomes virtually indisputable because you make the audience feel that only your view is the logical one.

• Ethos, Pathos, Logos: 3 Pillars of Public Speaking and Persuasion

Ideas for your persuasive speech outline

1. structure of your persuasive speech.

The opening and closing of speech are the most important. Consider these carefully when thinking about your persuasive speech outline. A  strong opening  ensures you have the audience’s attention from the start and gives them a positive first impression of you.

You’ll want to  start with a strong opening  such as an attention grabbing statement, statistic of fact. These are usually dramatic or shocking, such as:

Sadly, in the next 18 minutes when I do our chat, four Americans that are alive will be dead from the food that they eat – Jamie Oliver

Another good way of starting a persuasive speech is to include your audience in the picture you’re trying to paint. By making them part of the story, you’re embedding an emotional connection between them and your speech.

You could do this in a more toned-down way by talking about something you know that your audience has in common with you. It’s also helpful at this point to include your credentials in a persuasive speech to gain your audience’s trust.

Obama would spend hours with his team working on the opening and closing statements of his speech.

2. Stating your argument

You should  pick between 2 and 4 themes  to discuss during your speech so that you have enough time to explain your viewpoint and convince your audience to the same way of thinking.

It’s important that each of your points transitions seamlessly into the next one so that your speech has a logical flow. Work on your  connecting sentences  between each of your themes so that your speech is easy to listen to.

Your argument should be backed up by objective research and not purely your subjective opinion. Use examples, analogies, and stories so that the audience can relate more easily to your topic, and therefore are more likely to be persuaded to your point of view.

3. Addressing counter-arguments

Any balanced theory or thought  addresses and disputes counter-arguments  made against it. By addressing these, you’ll strengthen your persuasive speech by refuting your audience’s objections and you’ll show that you are knowledgeable to other thoughts on the topic.

When describing an opposing point of view, don’t explain it in a bias way – explain it in the same way someone who holds that view would describe it. That way, you won’t irritate members of your audience who disagree with you and you’ll show that you’ve reached your point of view through reasoned judgement. Simply identify any counter-argument and pose explanations against them.

• Complete Guide to Debating

4. Closing your speech

Your closing line of your speech is your last chance to convince your audience about what you’re saying. It’s also most likely to be the sentence they remember most about your entire speech so make sure it’s a good one!

The most effective persuasive speeches end  with a  call to action . For example, if you’ve been speaking about organ donation, your call to action might be asking the audience to register as donors.

Practice answering AI questions on your speech and get  feedback on your performance .

If audience members ask you questions, make sure you listen carefully and respectfully to the full question. Don’t interject in the middle of a question or become defensive.

You should show that you have carefully considered their viewpoint and refute it in an objective way (if you have opposing opinions). Ensure you remain patient, friendly and polite at all times.

Example 1: Persuasive speech outline

This example is from the Kentucky Community and Technical College.

Specific purpose

To persuade my audience to start walking in order to improve their health.

Central idea

Regular walking can improve both your mental and physical health.

Introduction

Let’s be honest, we lead an easy life: automatic dishwashers, riding lawnmowers, T.V. remote controls, automatic garage door openers, power screwdrivers, bread machines, electric pencil sharpeners, etc., etc. etc. We live in a time-saving, energy-saving, convenient society. It’s a wonderful life. Or is it?

Continue reading

Example 2: Persuasive speech

Tips for delivering your persuasive speech

• Practice, practice, and practice some more . Record yourself speaking and listen for any nervous habits you have such as a nervous laugh, excessive use of filler words, or speaking too quickly.
• Show confident body language . Stand with your legs hip width apart with your shoulders centrally aligned. Ground your feet to the floor and place your hands beside your body so that hand gestures come freely. Your audience won’t be convinced about your argument if you don’t sound confident in it. Find out more about  confident body language here .
• Don’t memorise your speech word-for-word  or read off a script. If you memorise your persuasive speech, you’ll sound less authentic and panic if you lose your place. Similarly, if you read off a script you won’t sound genuine and you won’t be able to connect with the audience by  making eye contact . In turn, you’ll come across as less trustworthy and knowledgeable. You could simply remember your key points instead, or learn your opening and closing sentences.
• Remember to use facial expressions when storytelling  – they make you more relatable. By sharing a personal story you’ll more likely be speaking your truth which will help you build a connection with the audience too. Facial expressions help bring your story to life and transport the audience into your situation.
• Keep your speech as concise as possible . When practicing the delivery, see if you can edit it to have the same meaning but in a more succinct way. This will keep the audience engaged.

The best persuasive speech ideas are those that spark a level of controversy. However, a public speech is not the time to express an opinion that is considered outside the norm. If in doubt, play it safe and stick to topics that divide opinions about 50-50.

Bear in mind who your audience are and plan your persuasive speech outline accordingly, with researched evidence to support your argument. It’s important to consider counter-arguments to show that you are knowledgeable about the topic as a whole and not bias towards your own line of thought.

Living Together Before Marriage: How to Have a Conversation With Someone Making the Wrong Choice

• By Jessika Schmit
• January 24, 2024

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Cohabitation before marriage is becoming increasingly common, even among Christians. Many couples believe it is practical, and even wise to live together before deciding to make a marriage commitment. But what does the Bible say about living together before marriage?

Table of contents

Is cohabitation a sin, living together before marriage: culture vs the bible, jesus engaged the culture, jesus pointed out the sin, jesus corrected with love and grace, what does the bible actually say about living together before marriage, an example of marriage in the bible.

While the Bible condemns cohabitation as a sin, many young couples are living together before marriage for one reason or another. How can Christians talk to friends or family members who are making this decision?

The country was midway through the pandemic when my younger brother announced his plans to move out of my parents’ house. His plans involved moving in with his girlfriend after dating long distance for just under a year. My family was astonished.

As a Christian household, we experienced a multitude of emotions. When someone we love or care deeply about makes a decision we fundamentally don’t agree with, we can easily react in anger, shock or maybe even grief.

But the words that follow are usually neither constructive nor edifying. Romans 15:14 tells us that we should be “filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another.”

So how do we “instruct” or counsel a loved one against a decision that runs counter to God’s Word? The first step is to seek knowledge.

My Christian upbringing had taught me that living together before marriage was bad . But this situation inspired me to look to the Bible for myself. To find out what exactly it has to say about living together before marriage.

I found one story that specifically speaks to cohabitation — it’s the story of Jesus meeting a Samaritan woman.

How Jesus Confronted Cohabitation

John 4 gives us a perfect example of how Jesus lovingly interacted with a person who chose to cohabit before marriage. In this passage, Jesus was passing through a Samaritan town on the way to Galilee. There He meets a woman at the well drawing water, and He asks for a drink. This request surprises her. In the culture of the time, Jews and Samaritans rarely spoke or interacted with one another. 

In this story, three things stand out about how Jesus approached the conversation in a loving, edifying way.

God's Blueprint for a Healthy Marriage

Jesus and the Samaritan woman first strike up a conversation and discuss issues of the time, both social and spiritual.

For example, the woman asks, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” ( verse 9 ) and “Are you greater than our father Jacob?” ( verse 12 ). Jesus moves the conversation gradually to the spiritual. “Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again” ( verse 14 ).

Framing your conversation in the culture of today is important. More families, including Christian families, see cohabitation before marriage as acceptable than ever before. Living together before marriage is the new normal for many young adults in their romantic journey.

An article on the Institute for Family Studies website reports on research from the National Marriage Project. The article says that the most common reasons given for couples cohabitating are “convenience, financial benefits, or to ‘test a relationship.’ ” We can attribute these reasons to shifts in culture. So framing your discussion with the current culture in mind is helpful.

When asked about her husband, the woman replied that she had no husband. In verse 18 , Jesus confirms this and points out the truth of the situation, saying, “for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband.” He certainly didn’t shy away from pointing out the sin she was caught in.

The Scriptures may not explicitly talk about cohabitation before marriage with your significant other, but using God’s commandments and instructions, we as Christians are able to deduce that sexual immorality is a big deal to our Savior. 

Instead of condemning or shaming the woman living in sexual sin, Jesus offered her grace and compassion. In response, the woman went about town proclaiming the works of Jesus, and the Bible says that many “believed in him because of the woman’s testimony” ( John 4:39 ).

Jesus spent more time developing a relationship with this woman and intentionally revealing Himself and the Gospel to her than He did dwelling on her sins.

Only one sentence is devoted to calling out her sin. The rest is all about hope, redemption, and forgiveness.

The beauty of the Gospel is that we are not stuck in sin, but are given the chance to repent, turn away from it and be forgiven. We must not forget that, as Christians, we’re ultimately ambassadors of God’s grace , not His judgement.

If we are to lovingly counsel someone in God’s grace, what does the Bible actually say about living together prior to marriage? There are no verses in the Bible that explicitly use the word “cohabitation” (or the ancient language equivalent). Instead, we can look at what God does mention. 

In Genesis, when God is creating and ordering the world, He looks at His creation and says that it was good . You know what God said was not good? For man to be alone ( Genesis 2:18 ). So He created woman and the marriage covenant, saying, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,” ( Genesis 2:24 ) and that was good . 

Don’t let that escape you. When God was creating a perfect world, He counted marriage among the good and perfect things that He had made.

Then came the fall of man, and sin entered God’s perfect design. Satan offered a distortion of God’s good plan, seducing and tricking Adam and Eve into seeking wisdom on their own terms — outside of God’s good and perfect plan.

Satan presented a counterfeit of God’s covenant. That’s ultimately what living together before marriage is — a counterfeit — instead of the perfect covenant of commitment God offered to His beloved creation.

Scholar Galena Rhoades writes ,

“But by living together already, both parties have likely developed a thought pattern of ‘what if this doesn’t work out,’ thinking you could just move out and move on, which can undermine that sense of commitment that is essential to a thriving marriage.” Galena Rhoades

God likened Himself to a bridegroom and the church as His bride. God modeled the marriage vow, His perfect covenant of commitment, to His people again and again throughout the Scriptures. He did not walk out on His people when they misbehaved or turn away when things got hard.* His grace didn’t walk away from the woman at the well living with a man who was not her husband.

We’re all, yes even Christians, capable of falling for Satan’s counterfeits, including the temptation of cohabitation before marriage under the guise of financial responsibility or convenience. The good news is that God does not allow us to sit in our sin forever.

He offers redemption and grace. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

We have hope, and so do our loved ones who have fallen into temptation and immorality.

*Focus on the Family is dedicated to bringing healing and restoration to couples who are struggling in their marriage. But God’s design for marriage never included abuse, violence, or coercive control. Even emotional abuse can bruise or severely harm a person’s heart, mind, and soul. If you are in an abusive relationship, go to a safe place and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit them online at thehotline.org .

© 2021 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Originally published on FocusOnTheFamily.com.

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• Topics: Biblical Sexuality , Living Together , Preparing for Marriage

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Living Together before Marriage

Updated 19 August 2021

Subject Love

Downloads 30

Category Family ,  Life

Topic Divorce ,  Marriage ,  Relationship

The shift is unavoidable in this day and era. The complexities of a marriage and partnerships have also evolved over time. Around 50 years ago, there was a very negative mentality about the way partnerships, families and divorce were discussed. That mentality has not changed, and today there is a much more reserved attitude about the manner in which these matters are preceded (McNulty et al 2016). Another subject that has lately attracted interest is the question of live-in partnerships. Couples, who are planning on getting married someday, should cohabitate first because it will provide a better perspective about their partner, get them accustomed to each other’s lifestyle, and change in the gender role. Personally, I prefer that people who want to get married should live together first so that they could get to know what they are getting themselves into and if they are ready for it. Ideally, there are views both in favor and against this idea of life in relationships but I think that cohabitating before marriage outweighs all arguments against this. (Berrington, 2015). The first reason is that living together before marriage is the fundamental test. It is at this time that people who want to be married get to understand if they can still love each other even after acknowledging that it is not going to be a joy ride. The love that people have for each other will be tested fully when they live together before marriage. Most of the times, in any prospective romantic relationship, it is tough to have an idea about the way that partner is going to turn out (McNulty et al 2016). Marriage is pretty much like a legal contract, and they proceed in such a long-term commitment with someone just by few meetings is somewhat a huge gamble (Berrington, 2015). On the other hand, if two people live together for a considerable period, then there is a likelihood that they would get to know each other at a more personal level (McNulty et al. 2016). Not only, but they would also be sure that how that other partner is going to turn out if something does not go right at every level. The statistics have also shown that that person who goes into marriage straightaway after romantic relationships, the divorce rate is higher by about 30 % in those cases. On the other hand, couples that know each other are much likely to stay together (Berrington, 2015). The other aspect that has to be taken into consideration is the fact that how committed people are into the relationship (McNulty et al, 2016). These days, the level of commitment that is going to be witnessed among each of the partners might vary. Thus, if one person jumps into the marriage while the other one is not comfortable with it is the critical fact that is needed to be taken into the reckoning (McNulty et al 2016). When the level of commitment is not the same in both the partners, then there is a likelihood that the marriage is not going to work out. Having a better understanding of your partner is one of the prime reasons to which marriage or long-term commitment must be done after living together for a while (Berrington, 2015). The second reason is that people who live together before marriage form a stronger bond as a team thus will be able to plan their future. They will be able to plan their careers, relationship, and financial system together. This will give them the experience and wisdom of how to raise a family if they end up getting married. Through this, both of them will be able to understand each others’ priorities and values and if it aligns with theirs before getting married. Once you start living with that person, you realize how the spend the rest of the day (McNulty). Some people might be charismatic when one gets to spend a short amount of time with them, but once that initial phase is over, persons/partners personality may become more reserved in the relationship (Berrington, 2015). As the relationship evolves, one becomes more aware of their partners values, beliefs, and goals. For instance, how soon they want the kids to happen, or whether they want kids at all (Rhoades). When people are living together, they can develop an insight about the way this relationship is going to work and what is the perspective of people with regards to the way things are going to be working out.The third reason is that a couple’s passion and intimacy life will be tested before getting married. Couples will get to understand more if they will be comfortable with each other and can be able to plan if they can be able to have babies in the future.Argument supporting living together before marriageAn April issue of the Journal of marriage and family that was presented early to the Council involving contemporary families’ states that recent studies have wrongly overstated that living together before marriage triggers divorce highly. An assistant professor at the University of Carolina, Arielle Kuperberg supports cohabitation by arguing that living together does not really result to divorce in marriage later on. The professor goes ahead to say that it depends on what age the couple decided to start living together. It, therefore, suggests that people that used to live together but got divorced after marriage are the ones who did not choose compatible partners who are suitable for them. This is in contrast to what the US Attorney Legal services which says that couples that lived together before have a 49% chance of getting divorced while those that never lived together have a 20% chance. Basically, divorce can be influenced by many factors like career. Careers, like dancing and bartending record the highest rate of divorce therefore living together, does not primarily mean that your marriage will end up in divorce.When people are dating each other, they only meet for a limited amount of time, and during that phase, they tend to be presentable which is not the case most of the times when they are living in the vicinity of their homes (Berrington, 2015). Research proves that when you are conversating to someone you like, everything from your body language and the tone of your voice changes (Boyce, 2016). That is not going to be a case when one person is living with their partner for a more extended period because it is going to allow for better reflection of that person (McNulty). Things are bound to change when people start to live together. For instance, how organized the person is when it comes to the daily chores, how are the financials and the living style of the person (Berrington). These are the little thing that might not matter if one is meeting for a brief period (Boyce, 2016). The greater the level of communication is, the greater the likelihood that the marriage is going to be successfull (Boyce et al, 2016). If these things are not cleared out, they might cause unnecessary expectation on each other. Communication is an important part of understanding in the marriage process (Boyce, 2016). With the passage of time, there has been a definitive change in the way gender roles are defined. Previously, women were content to stay home, and they had no career aspirations at that point in time (Boyce et al, 2016). Now, more and more women are entering the professional field. There are two reasons for it: One is the fact that the inflation rates and other factors have prompted women to come into the professional arena (Rhoades, 2015). Their communication is needed in order to maintain a sustainable lifestyle. The other factor is the rise in the wave of the feminism (Boyce et al, 2016). People are becoming more and more aware of the facts that there is no need for stereotyping of the genders. As women are entering the professional fray, they form new relationships, and, as they move away from home and to another city, those relationships are not lasting. In the early age, the preference for them is not to settle down, and instead, work towards a more prosperous and sustainable career. At times, men are not comfortable with their women working they prefer for their wives to be a homemaker (Boyce ).Modern women on the other hand, are not comfortable staying home (Boyce ). It is important that these conversations are held on a regular basis because and these concerns are needed to be addressed before one goes into a marriage (Rhoades). Marriage is a long-term commitment, and divorce is something that is much harder to get away from versus cohabitating (Boyce). The church will argue that marriage is a lifelong commitment and should not to be dissolved or broken. Commitment means being determined that the couples will stick it out no matter what the future brings. When there is an agreement without commitment it is easy to give up. When there is a commitment ahead of time, you hang-tough through good times and the bad and don't bail out at the first sign of trouble. According to the Bible in the New International Version, Eph. 5:31 it states that a man shall leave his parents and he shall become one with his wife. In Romans 7:2-3, the Bible also says that a husband must not divorce his wife Vis a Vis.In hindsight, it can be seen that the idea of living together before marriage is a good one in current day and time (Rhoades, 2015). The dynamics of relationships are changing at a very rapid pace, with mass urbanization, the rise of feminism as a force at the global level are some of the few reasons that gender dynamics have changed. This change is one of the main reasons why people in relationships should live together before deciding to tie the knot. ConclusionIn conclusion, cohabitation or living together does not necessarily lead to divorce like most arguments say. I, therefore, support that people should live together before getting married.Works CitedBerrington, Ann, BriennaPerelli-Harris, and Paulina Trevenna. “Commitment and the changing sequence of cohabitation, childbearing and marriage: Insights from qualitative research in the UK. “ Demographic Research 33 (2015): 327.Bible. New International version. Grand Rapids: Zondervan House, 1984. Print.Boyce, Christopher J.,Alex M. Wood, and Eamon Ferguson. “For better of for worse: The moderating effects of personality on the marriage- life satisfaction link. “ Personality and individual differences 97 (2016):61-66.McNulty, James K., Carolyn A.Wenner, and Terri D. Fisher.”Longitudinal associations among relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction, and frequency of sex in early marriage.” Archives of sexual behavior 45.1 (2016):85-97.Rhoades, Galena K., et al. “Can marriage education mitigate the risks associated with premarital cohabitation?.” Journal of Family Psychology 29.3 (2015):500.

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"COHABITATION BEFORE MARRIAGE"

Introduction.

• A practice acceptable to many people today is that of cohabitation before marriage...
• Where a couple who intend to get married decide to live together first
• In a poll on religion and the family conducted for Religion & Ethics Newsweekly, 49% of Americans said that cohabitation was acceptable
• Yet in the August 2005 issue of Psychology Today , there was an interesting article...
• "The Cohabitation Trap: When 'Just Living Together' Sabotages Love" by Nancy Wartik
• A blurb advertising the article: "Living together before marriage seems like a smart way to road test the relationship. But cohabitation may lead you to wed for all the wrong reasons--or turn into a one-way trip to splitsville."
• The article first described the general reasoning behind cohabitation...
• That many see cohabitation as sort of future laboratory for marriage
• That living together will help them make informed decisions regarding marriage

[Yet the research suggests something different. There is a very real danger in cohabitation before marriage. Before we consider that danger, let's first make clear what the Bible teaches about...]

• THE SIN OF COHABITATION
• MARRIAGE IS HONORABLE...
• The Bible speaks of the honor of marriage - He 13:4
• Of course, marriage was first instituted by God - cf. Mt 19:4-6
• It symbolizes the relationship between Christ and His church - cf. Ep 5:22-33
• It also serves as a deterrent to fornication (sexual immorality) - cf. 1Co 7:2,8-9
• COHABITATION IS FORNICATION...
• Fornication is sex outside of the marriage bond
• The Greek word porneia includes "adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc." - Thayer
• Thus cohabitation falls under the condemnation described earlier - cf. He 13:4
• It can keep one out of the kingdom of God - 1Co 6:9-10; Ga 5:19-21

[For those who respect the authority of the Scriptures, cohabitation before marriage is rejected on moral grounds. But as illustrated in the above referenced article, there other reasons to reject it...]

• THE FOLLY OF COHABITATION
• COHABITATION UNDERMINES COMMITMENT...
• Wartik's summary of the research:
• "Couples who move in together before marriage have up to two times the odds of divorce, as compared with couples who marry before living together."
• "Moreover, married couples who have lived together before exchanging vows tend to have poorer-quality marriages than couples who moved in after the wedding."
• One theory why this happens - the inertia hypothesis
• Many cohabitating couples get married, but without an explicit decision to commit
• The marriage is seen simply as the next step in a relationship, not much different than the decision to live together
• Men who cohabit are especially less likely to commit in a marriage relationship
• The hesitancy to commit led them to choose cohabitation in the first place
• The uncertainty about the relationship often continues after marriage
• Wartik referenced a 2004 study by psychologist Scott Stanley that found "that men who had lived with their spouse premaritally were on average less committed to their marriages than those who hadn't."
• COHABITATION WEAKENS THE MARITAL BOND...
• The experience of cohabitation itself is detrimental to the marriage bond
• "A couple of studies show that when couples cohabit, they tend to adopt less conventional beliefs about marriage and divorce, and it tends to make them less religious." - Paul Amato , professor at Penn State University
• Those who cohabit do not have the same moral imperative to remain faithful after marriage
• If we are willing to sin with each other before we marry...
• How do we know we won't sin against each other after we marry?
• A successful marriage is one built on trust; such trust is stronger among those who fear the Lord more than they fear their spouse!
• COHABITATION INJURIOUS TO CHILDREN...
• To children whose parents remain in cohabitation
• "...cohabitation is not an ideal living arrangement for children." - Wartik
• "Emotionally or academically, the children of cohabiters just don't do as well, on average, as those with two married parents..." - ibid.
• To children whose parents cohabitate and then marry
• If born out of wedlock, the stigma of illegitimacy looms
• Even if born after the marriage, the parents' example of cohabitation will likely encourage the children to follow in their steps
• Cohabitation is certainly no indication that one is serious about getting married...
• Many persons "...have different standards for living partners than for life partners." - Wartik
• "People are much fussier about whom they marry than whom they cohabitate with." - Amato
• The Biblical concept of marriage is that life partners and living partners are to be the same...
• That people do not live together until they are willing to commit their lives to one another
• Such commitment strengthens the marriage bond and provides security for the children

If you desire the best for yourself and your children, then follow the Biblical concept of marriage...!

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Home » For You » Relationships

Living Together Before Marriage – Benefits & Drawbacks

Explore both sides of the coin before you decide to share the same roof.

Sarah Kenville has a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and a law degree. She has 8 years of experience and offers premarital counseling and relationship coaching to dating, engaged, newlywed, and same-sex couples. She is pass... read full bio

Sneha has a master's degree in Applied Linguistics from the University of Hyderabad, a professional Relationship Coach diploma, and over four years of experience in writing. She writes about relations... read full bio

Subhrojyoti is an associate editor at StyleCraze with four years of experience. He has a master’s degree in English from Presidency University, Kolkata, and has also done a post-graduate certificate c... read full bio

Gracia Odile is a teacher-turned-beauty and lifestyle writer with three years of professional experience. She has a bachelor's degree in English from St. Stephen's College, a master's in Anthropology ... read full bio

Image: Shutterstock

Living together before marriage was uncommon once upon a time. It is estimated that 50% of couples live together before their wedding ( 1 ). But is living together before marriage a good idea? The answer to this age-old question depends on many factors, such as compatibility, trust, and the age of your relationship. This article explores the benefits of living together before marriage and its drawbacks. Scroll down to find more information.

In This Article

Is Living Together Before Marriage A Good Idea?

Prior to getting into the benefits and drawbacks of cohabitation before marriage, let’s first address a crucial issue: what are your and your partner’s ultimate goals?

You may have already decided to marry your partner, but they haven’t decided yet or even thought about it. This isn’t necessarily a cause for concern, but knowing this information is important. Make a list of what each of you ultimately want out of the relationship. It may be marriage, or it may be living together indefinitely. It could even be living apart from each other, as improbable as that seems.

In a sense, these goals can exist in separate spheres – marriage and living together are not the only two things you can do to secure a lifelong commitment with someone. Other goals can be considered in this scenario, such as living alone, having children, living with children from a previous relationship, living in the same home as your family or friends, etc.

Then, you can each make a list of what you want. Do this on separate sheets of paper first, as it helps to organize your ideas more clearly. Next, trade lists and discuss what is written down. Be honest and take the time to listen to each other’s goals, no matter how out there they seem to you.

Living together before marriage gives you insight into your partner’s personality, habits, quirks, triggers, etc. Now, let’s talk about the pros of living together before marriage.

Benefits Of Living Together Before Marriage: A Stronger And Deeper Relationship

• Living together will help you better understand each other’s expectations , needs, and personalities. It can also provide an opportunity for future planning for a domestic partnership and set realistic relationship goals as per your assumed gender roles.
• Living together will help you better understand the demands of living with another person. Cohabitation can show how each of you responds to living in the same environment and sharing the expenses and household responsibilities. It’s an opportunity for you to learn about each other’s living habits and style, communication skills, and family ties.
• Living together will help you learn new things about your partner that living separately would not. You will see first-hand what makes your significant other tick! You will also begin to understand them better than before, and it will help you feel closer to them.
• Cohabitation before marriage will allow you to plan more effectively for your future as a couple. You can figure out how to divide and manage your finances as a couple. In many ways, it can also help you overcome the fear of commitment.
• Living together before marriage can help you figure out how sexually compatible you are, which is extremely important for any long-term relationship .
• Sharing space before getting married can help you save money for your wedding or a downpayment on a house. It can also help you more quickly pay off any loans you may have.
• The process of planning a wedding is time-consuming and can be exhausting. There are so many things to accomplish and not enough time to do them (on top of your job and everything else you may be doing). One advantage of living together before getting married is you can plan the wedding more efficiently.

Drawbacks Of Living Together Before Getting Married

• You may think that living together forever will be easy, but living with someone requires compromises and patience that living separately does not. While living together can bring you closer to your partner before marriage, living in the same house might cause more problems than it’s worth and even lead to a premature end to the relationship.
• It is said that having more than one serious relationship in the past affects how likely it is that you’ll divorce if you cohabitate before marriage. If you’ve had two or more significant relationships before marriage, living together increases the risk of separation. However, the research behind this claim is not conclusive.
• The more cohabiting partners share living expenses, the less likely they are to marry each other. Sharing living expenses looks logical on paper. After all, living together does make living expenses more affordable. But, there is a price to living together: it becomes increasingly difficult to break up with your partner if you split living costs. However, the problems you two are facing may also prevent you from taking the big marriage step. As a result, your relationship may get stuck in limbo.
• It is said that those who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to become violent towards each other than those living together after getting married. If you’re living with your partner before marriage, avoiding letting conflicts deteriorate into violence and abuse is essential.
• Having friends and family “approve of” living together does not necessarily reduce the risk of separation later on because living together does not necessarily increase the quality of your communication.

A blogger, writes about her experience of being in a cohabiting relationship. She admits that even though the first few months were blissful, the weight of the relationship started setting in. The differences started seeping in with their sleep patterns, sharing of household chores, finances, and sex. Yet she added, “To be honest, if you are thinking of cohabiting I say give it a try knowing that it might actually work out for you and if marriage is the end goal for both of you it might happen ( i ).”

How To Prepare For Living Together Before Marriage

• Be Clear About Your Goals: Be clear about what you ultimately want from living with your partner. Do you want it to culminate in marriage? Or do you just want to live together indefinitely? Talk about what’s important to you and make compromises as needed.
• Set Some Ground Rules: Create ground rules that work best for you. These ground rules could include how much space each person has, how to spend money and budget, dividing chores, living arrangements during holidays, etc. Agreeing on these things before you start living together will make your life easier.
• Communication Is Essential: Don’t assume your partner knows what you want or how you feel. Instead, discuss issues as they arise to avoid any misunderstandings later down the line.
• Discuss Finances Regularly: This may include financial planning in a way you both agree on and, if necessary, having a savings plan in place for big purchases. Take into account any debts each of you have and include a plan to pay them off.
• Involve Your Families Early On: Living with someone changes the dynamics of your relationship. Living together before marriage means interacting with your partner’s family to some degree. If possible, involve the families in decision-making processes that affect your living together. This can save you a lot of stress and frustration.
• Be Realistic About What Living Together May Lead To:

Cohabiting before marriage does not guarantee a long-term commitment . It could be like a trial period for your relationship when you both figure out it will not work out in the long run.

• Compatibility Testing: Before living together, couples should take compatibility tests to assess the extent to which they are compatible with each other. These tests can help them identify their strengths and weaknesses as a couple and work on areas that need improvement.
• Cultural Expectations and Social Stigma: Living together before marriage can also be influenced by cultural expectations and social stigma. Couples should be aware of these factors and be prepared to deal with any challenges that may arise.
• Mutual Respect: Last but not the least, living together requires mutual respect between partners. Couples should respect each other’s opinions, feelings, and decisions, and work towards a healthy and loving relationship.

Infographic: What You Need To Know About Living Together Before Marriage

For a lot of couples, living together can strengthen their bond, but it also comes with challenges. The benefits include better understanding and the opportunity to assess your compatibility. However, the drawbacks, such as potential relationship strain and difficulties in ending the partnership, can’t be ignored. Check out the infographic below to understand the advantages and disadvantages of a live-in relationship.

Illustration: StyleCraze Design Team

Living together before marriage has its share of advantages and disadvantages. It helps you understand your partner better, understand each other’s expectations and needs, practice personal boundaries, work on commitment levels, plan the future more effectively, measure compatibility, and manage finances well. On the other hand, it may increase the chances of conflict under certain circumstances, leading to a breakup. So, it is not as easy as it sounds and may not work for everyone. Before you cohabitate, be sure of each other’s goals, talk about finances regularly, and communicate well to reduce the chances of conflicts.

Frequently Asked Questions

What percentage of couples break up after moving in together?

Recent data shows that about 40-50% of couples moving in together may end up having complications in their relationship that may lead them to break up. However, it entirely depends on your mutual understanding and willingness to take the relationship seriously.

How long should couples wait to move in together?

You should at least give yourself 1-2 years of initial dating time before you decide to move in together. Before you take the big leap, you should be aware of each other’s lifestyle and preferences .

Does living together before marriage impact the likelihood of divorce?

Different studies show different results. The likelihood of divorce is not entirely based on the factor of live-in but includes other important aspects, such as age, education, background, health, among other circumstances.

What are some financial considerations when living together before marriage?

Sharing day-to-day expenses, opening a joint account, debt, property ownership, insurance, and emergency funds are important financial considerations for partners.

Are there any religious or cultural perspectives on living together before marriage?

Yes, some religions and cultures view it as a non-conformist, immoral, and unacceptable practice, while in others, it is thought of as a practical approach to test compatibility before marriage.

How can couples navigate the decision of living together before marriage with their families?

Living together before marriage can be a tricky situation, especially if your family holds conservative values. It is better to have an open and honest conversation about it and give the family time to accept it.

What legal rights and responsibilities do couples have when living together before marriage?

The legal rights and responsibilities of couples who are living together before marriage in the US can vary depending on each state. In most of the states, live-in couples are not given the same rights as married couples. This means a live-in couple cannot legally share debt, insurance, healthcare, property rights, and child care and support.

Does living together before marriage affect societal perceptions or judgments?

It can if you live in a conservative society. They may distance you and refuse to accept your relationship as legitimate.

Are there any strategies for resolving conflicts that arise from living together before marriage?

To deal with conflict in a healthy way, it’s advisable to take time to reflect on the fight and process it so that both parties can have an honest conversation about it.

Does living together before marriage affect the timeline for getting engaged or married?

Yes, a couple might take more time to understand each other as they unearth new differences each day. On the other hand, if they work really well together in a live-in, they might want to get hitched earlier than planned too.

Key Takeaways

• While living together is more common than it used to be, there are still certain questions to answer.
• Living together before marriage gives you the time and opportunity to know your partner and test your mutual trust and compatibility.
• Sharing a place and expenses may lead to certain disputes and challenges ahead of marriage.
• Coming to terms with the various aspects of each other’s personalities may lead your relationship either way, based on your mutual level of understanding and willingness.

Image: Dall·E/StyleCraze Design Team

Personal Experience: Source

StyleCraze's articles are interwoven with authentic personal narratives that provide depth and resonance to our content. Below are the sources of the personal accounts referenced in this article.

Articles on StyleCraze are backed by verified information from peer-reviewed and academic research papers, reputed organizations, research institutions, and medical associations to ensure accuracy and relevance. Read our editorial policy to learn more.

• A Longitudinal Investigation of Commitment Dynamics in Cohabiting Relationships https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/labs/pmc/articles/PMC3377181/
• Fact-checker

Sarah Kenville MA (Marriage and Family Therapy)

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